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　　why Measure Life in Heartbeats？

　　Hemingway once wrote that courage is grace under pressure. But I wouldrather think with the 18th-century Italian dramatist, Vittorio Alfieri, that"often the test of courage is not to die but t0 1ive." For living with cancerengenders more than pressure; it begets terror. To live with it, to face up toit-that's courage.

　　Hope is our most effective "drug" in treating cancer. There is almost nocancer (at any stage) that cannot be treated. By instilling hope in a patient,we can help develop a positive; combative attitude to his disease. Illogical,unproven? Perhaps. But many doaors believe that this must become a partof cancer therapy if the therapy is to be effective.

　　I have had the joy of two beautiful and wonderful wives, the happiness ofparenthood and the love of eight children. My work was constantly chal-lenging and fulfilling. I have always loved music and books, ballet and thetheater. I was addicted to fitness, tennis, golf, curling, hunting and fishing.

　　Good food and wine graced my table. My home was a warm and happyplace.

　　But when I became aware of my imminent mortality, my attitudes changed.

　　There was real meaning to the words, "This is the first day of the rest ofyour life." There was a heightened awareness of each sunny day, the beautyof flowers, the song of a bird. How often do we reflect on the joy of breath.

　　ing easily, of swallowing without effort and discomfort, of walking withoutpain, of a complete and peaceful night's sleep?

　　After I became ill, I embarked upon many things I had been putting offbefore. I read the books Ihad set aside for retirement and wrote one myself,entitled TheArt of Surgery. My wife Madeleine and I took more holidays.

　　We played tennis regularly and curled avidly; we took the boys fishing. WhenI review these past few years, it seems in many ways that I have lived alifetime since I acquired cancer. On my last holiday in the Bahamas, as Iwalked along the beach feeling the gentle waves wash over my feet, I felt apart of tlie universe, even if only a minuscule one,like a grain of sand on thebeach.

　　Although I had to restrict the size of my practice, I felt closer empathy withmy patients. When I walked into the Intensive Care Unit there was an awe-some feeling knowing I, too, had been a patient there. It was a special satis-faction to comfort my patients with cancer, knowing that it is possible toenjoy life after the anguish of that diagnosis. It gave me a warm feeling tosee the sparkle in one patient's eyes-a man with a totallaryngectomy-when I asked if he would enjoy a cold beer and went to get him one.

　　If one realizes that our time on this earth is but a tiny fraction of that withinthe cosmos, then life calculated in years may not be as important as wethink. Why measure life in heartbeats? When life is so dependent on such anunreliable function as the beating of the heart, then it is fragile indeed. Theonly thing that one can depend upon with absolute certainty is death.

　　I believe that death may be the most important part of life. I believe that lifeis infinitesinially brief in relation to the immensity of eternity. I believe,because of my religious faith, that I shall "return to the Father"in an afterlifethat is beyond description. I believe that though my life was short in years, itwas fullin experience, joy, love and accomplishment; that my owriimmor-tality will reside in the memories of my loved ones left behind, mother,brother, wife, children, dear friends. I believe that I will die with loved onesclose by and, one hopes, achieve that great gift of God-ileath in peace, andwith dignity.

　　何必以心跳定生死？

　　海明威曾經寫過，勇氣就是臨危不懼。不過，我更贊同18世紀意大利戲劇家維多利奧·阿爾菲利的觀點：“對勇氣的考驗往往不是去死，而是要活�！鄙砘及┌Y，不僅帶來痛苦，而且引起恐懼。抱病生活，并敢于正視這一現(xiàn)實，這就是勇氣。

　　希望是我們治療癌癥的“藥物”。幾乎沒有任何癌癥（無論發(fā)展到哪一期）是不能醫(yī)治的。把希望灌輸?shù)讲∪诵睦�，我們就可以幫助他樹立起積極與疾病作斗爭的觀念。也許此話不合邏輯，言之無據(jù)，是嗎？然而，許多醫(yī)生認為，要想使療法有效，這必須成為癌癥治療的一部分。

　　我有幸先后擁有兩位美麗賢惠的妻子所帶來的歡欣，體驗過為人之父的樂趣，并得到八個子女的愛。過去，我的工作一直富有挑戰(zhàn)性，令人有成就感。我一向喜歡聽音樂和讀書，酷愛芭蕾舞和戲劇。我曾經醉心于健身運動、網(wǎng)球、高爾夫球、冰上溜石、打獵和垂釣。我的餐桌擺滿美酒佳肴。我的家溫馨而又幸福。

　　可是，當我知道自己大限將至時，生活態(tài)度就變了。“這是您余生的開始。”這句話對我有了實實在在的含義。對每一個晴天麗日，對鳥語花香，我的感觸倍加強烈。平日呼吸輕松，吞食自如，走路毫不費勁，一夜安寢到天明，我們幾曾回味過其中的樂趣？

　　患病后，我著手做以前擱置下來的許多事情。我閱讀了本來留到退休后才讀的書，而且還寫了一本題為《外科術》的書。我與夫人馬德琳度假更加頻繁。我們經常去打網(wǎng)球，勁頭十足地在冰上溜石，還帶兒子們去釣魚�；仡欉^去幾年，從許多方面來看，自從得了癌癥以后，我似乎已經活了一輩子。上次到巴哈馬度假期間，我沿著海灘漫步，海浪輕輕撫揉著我的雙腳，此時此刻我驀然覺得自己與整個宇宙融為一體，盡管我微不足道，就像海灘上的一粒沙子。

　　雖然我不得不限制自己的醫(yī)務工作量，我感到與病人更加心靈相通。當我走進特別護理室時，一種敬畏之感油然而生，因為我知道自己也曾是這里的病人。我明白，在經歷了被確診為癌癥的極度痛苦之后，仍有可能享受生活，因此，安慰癌癥患者成了一種特別的樂事。一位病人做了喉部切除手術，我問他是否想喝凍啤酒，而且為他拿來了一杯，這時我看到他眼里閃現(xiàn)出了火花，一股暖流頓時涌上我的心頭。

　　倘若人們意識到人生在世只不過是宇宙的時間長河中轉瞬即逝的一剎那，那么以歲月計算的生命就不會像我們所想的那樣重要了。何必以心跳來定生死呢？當生命依賴于心跳這樣一種不可靠的功能時，它的確脆弱不堪。而只有死亡才是人們可以絕對依賴的。

　　我認為死亡可能是人生中最重要的一環(huán)。我認為與那漫長的永生相比，生命是極其短暫的�；�于我的宗教信仰，我相信在我身后那難以描繪的時光里，我將回歸圣父。我相信，我的生命以年月計算，雖然是短暫的，但經歷豐富，充滿了歡樂、愛情和成就；我將永遠活在我所愛的人，即我的母親、兄弟、兒女和密友的記憶中。我相信，在彌留之際，我的親朋好友將陪伴在我身旁：我希望得到上帝的恩賜——帶著尊嚴，安詳?shù)馗鎰e人間。