Chapter I
第一章
It is with a kind of fear that I begin to write the history of my life. I have, as it were, a superstitious hesitation in lifting the veil that clings about my childhood like a golden mist. The task of writing an autobiography is a difficult one. When I try to classify my earliest impressions, I find that fact and fancy look alike across the years that link the past with the present. The woman paints the child's experiences in her own fantasy. A few impressions stand out vividly from the first years of my life; but "the shadows of the prison-house are on the rest." Besides, many of the joys and sorrows of childhood have lost their poignancy; and many incidents of vital importance in my early education have been forgotten in the excitement of great discoveries. In order, therefore, not to be tedious I shall try to present in a series of sketches only the episodes that seem to me to be the most interesting and important.
我是懷著惴惴不安的心情書寫我生活的歷史的。在我整個的童年時代，生活猶如籠罩在我身邊的一團金色霧靄。冥冥之中，我是懵懂而遲疑地揭開生活的迷帳的。每當我試圖分辨孩童時期記憶的時候，我就會發(fā)現(xiàn)，往昔的時光美好而真實，它如同一條紐帶，同此時此刻的我緊緊相連。女人們通常會以富于想象力的方式來描述自己的童年經(jīng)歷。雖然，那些鮮活而生動的記憶來自我生命的最初時光，但是，“牢房一般的陰暗將伴隨著我的余生”。此外，童年時代的歡樂和悲傷大都成為往事前塵，它們已然失去了當時的鋒芒；在我接受早期教育過程中的那些重大事件，已經(jīng)隨著更加激動人心的偉大發(fā)現(xiàn)而被淡忘。因此，從這個意義上來說，將我生活中那些至關重要的章節(jié)做一個全盤性的勾勒，于我倒并不是一件枯燥乏味的工作。
I was born on June 27, 1880, in Tuscumbia, a little town of northern Alabama.
我于1880年6月27日出生在亞拉巴馬州北部的一個叫做圖斯康比亞的小鎮(zhèn)。
The family on my father's side is descended from Caspar Keller, a native of Switzerland, who settled in Maryland. One of my Swiss ancestors was the first teacher of the deaf in Zurich and wrote a book on the subject of their education--rather a singular coincidence; though it is true that there is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his.
我父親家的先人是來自瑞士的卡斯帕·凱勒家族，他們最初定居在馬里蘭州。在我的瑞士祖先中，有一個人曾是蘇黎世聾啞學校的首位教師，他曾寫過一本有關教學生涯的書——這似乎具有某種一脈相承的偶然性；盡管在他的祖先中沒有王者，也不曾豢養(yǎng)過一個奴隸，而且，在早期先民之中，也沒有奴隸曾隸屬于一位王者。
My grandfather, Caspar Keller's son, "entered" large tracts of land in Alabama and finally settled there. I have been told that once a year he went from Tuscumbia to Philadelphia on horseback to purchase supplies for the plantation, and my aunt has in her possession many of the letters to his family, which give charming and vivid accounts of these trips.
我的祖父，卡斯帕·凱勒家族之子，“進入”了亞拉巴馬州這片廣袤的土地并最終在此定居。我后來得知，曾經(jīng)有那么一年，祖父騎馬從圖斯康比亞前往費城，為的是給種植園添置一些耕作用具。在我姑媽寄來的許多家信中，曾對祖父的這些旅行有過生動而清晰的記述。
My Grandmother Keller was a daughter of one of Lafayette's aides, Alexander Moore, and granddaughter of Alexander Spotswood, an early Colonial Governor of Virginia. She was also second cousin to Robert E. Lee.
我的祖母凱勒是一個侍從武官的女兒，那名軍官叫亞歷山大·穆爾；祖母也是亞歷山大·斯鮑茨伍德的孫女，這位斯鮑茨伍德先生曾是弗吉尼亞州最早的殖民總督。此外，祖母也是羅伯特·E.李將軍的二表妹。
My father, Arthur H. Keller, was a captain in the Confederate Army, and my mother, Kate Adams, was his second wife and many years younger. Her grandfather, Benjamin Adams, married Susanna E. Goodhue, and lived in Newbury, Massachusetts, for many years. Their son, Charles Adams, was born in Newburyport, Massachusetts, and moved to Helena, Arkansas. When the Civil War broke out, he fought on the side of the South and became a brigadier-general. He married Lucy Helen Everett, who belonged to the same family of Everetts as Edward Everett and Dr. Edward Everett Hale. After the war was over the family moved to Memphis, Tennessee.
我的父親，亞瑟·H.凱勒是聯(lián)邦軍隊中的一個上尉，而我的母親凱特·亞當斯是他的第二個妻子，兩人年齡相差懸殊。母親的祖父是本杰明·亞當斯，他娶了蘇姍娜·E.古德休為妻，他們在馬薩諸塞州的紐伯里住了很多年。他們的兒子查爾斯·亞當斯就出生在馬薩諸塞州的紐伯里波特，后來他搬到了阿肯色州的海倫娜。當時正值南北戰(zhàn)爭爆發(fā)，他代表南軍參戰(zhàn)，后來官至準將軍銜。他娶了露西·海倫·埃弗里特為妻，露西同愛德華·埃弗里特和愛德華·埃弗里特·黑爾博士同宗同門。戰(zhàn)爭結(jié)束后，夫妻倆搬到了田納西州的孟菲斯。
I lived, up to the time of the illness that deprived me of my sight and hearing, in a tiny house consisting of a large square room and a small one, in which the servant slept. It is a custom in the South to build a small house near the homestead as an annex to be used on occasion. Such a house my father built after the Civil War, and when he married my mother they went to live in it. It was completely covered with vines, climbing roses and honeysuckles. From the garden it looked like an arbour. The little porch was hidden from view by a screen of yellow roses and Southern smilax. It was the favourite haunt of humming-birds and bees.
我一直住在一個狹小的房子里面，直到疾病令我喪失了視覺和聽覺。當時的家園是由一個巨大的四方形房間和一個小房間構(gòu)成的，仆人們都睡在那個小房間里。這源自南方人的習俗，挨著宅第建一座附屬的小房子，以備不時之需。宅第是我父親在內(nèi)戰(zhàn)結(jié)束后建造的，在娶了我母親后，他們就在此定居了。房子完全被葡萄藤、攀爬的薔薇和金銀花覆蓋了，從花園望去，那里就像一個巨大的涼亭。而那個小門廊則被滿眼的黃玫瑰和南方天冬草所遮蔽。因此這里就變成了蜂雀和蜜蜂最常出沒的地方。
The Keller homestead, where the family lived, was a few steps from our little rose-bower. It was called "Ivy Green" because the house and the surrounding trees and fences were covered with beautiful English ivy. Its old-fashioned garden was the paradise of my childhood.
凱勒家的宅第距我們家的玫瑰小涼亭只有幾步之遙。這里也被叫做“常春藤綠地”，因為房子和周圍的樹叢及籬笆被美麗的英格蘭常春藤所纏繞覆蓋。這個老式的花園正是我童年時代的天堂。
Even in the days before my teacher came, I used to feel along the square stiff boxwood hedges, and, guided by the sense of smell, would find the first violets and lilies. There, too, after a fit of temper, I went to find comfort and to hide my hot face in the cool leaves and grass. What joy it was to lose myself in that garden of flowers, to wander happily from spot to spot, until, coming suddenly upon a beautiful vine, I recognized it by its leaves and blossoms, and knew it was the vine which covered the tumble-down summer-house at the farther end of the garden! Here, also, were trailing clematis, drooping jessamine, and some rare sweet flowers called butterfly lilies, because their fragile petals resemble butterflies' wings. But the roses--they were loveliest of all. Never have I found in the greenhouses of the North such heart-satisfying roses as the climbing roses of my southern home. They used to hang in long festoons from our porch, filling the whole air with their fragrance, untainted by any earthy smell; and in the early morning, washed in the dew, they felt so soft, so pure, I could not help wondering if they did not resemble the asphodels of God's garden.
直到我的老師出現(xiàn)之前，我一直習慣于沿著正方形的黃楊木樹籬摸索前行。嗅覺是我的向?qū)�，通過它，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了生命中的第一株紫羅蘭花和百合花。正是在這個小花園里，在經(jīng)歷了暴躁情緒的發(fā)作之后，我繼續(xù)尋找令我舒適的感覺，我把自己溫熱的臉埋進涼颼颼的樹葉和草叢之中。將自己迷失在花叢中是如此地令人愉悅，從一個地方尋覓到又一個地方也帶給我其樂無窮的*。就在探尋的過程中，我會突然碰到一枝美麗的藤蔓，我會通過它的葉子和花蕾來辨別其形狀，而且我知道，這就是那株覆蓋著搖搖欲墜的涼亭，遠在花園盡頭的葡萄藤！在我身邊，還有觸手可及的鐵線蓮，垂落于枝葉間的茉莉花，以及一些叫做蝴蝶百合的稀有花卉，這種花的花瓣因其形似蝴蝶那對脆弱易折的翅膀而得名。而玫瑰，則是花園中最傲人的花魁。我從來沒有在北方的溫室里見過長勢如此繁茂的玫瑰，花朵沿著門廊形成了一道長長的花徑，空氣中彌漫著沁人的芳香，那種清醇的味道絲毫不沾染泥土的濁氣。每天早晨，在露水的沐浴中，玫瑰嬌柔淳美，這時我就會禁不住展開神思遐想，這些花兒是不是很像上帝花園中的常春花呢？
The beginning of my life was simple and much like every other little life. I came, I saw, I conquered, as the first baby in the family always does. There was the usual amount of discussion as to a name for me. The first baby in the family was not to be lightly named, every one was emphatic about that. My father suggested the name of Mildred Campbell, an ancestor whom he highly esteemed, and he declined to take any further part in the discussion. My mother solved the problem by giving it as her wish that I should be called after her mother, whose maiden name was Helen Everett. But in the excitement of carrying me to church my father lost the name on the way, very naturally, since it was one in which he had declined to have a part. When the minister asked him for it, he just remembered that it had been decided to call me after my grandmother, and he gave her name as Helen Adams.
就像諸多弱小的生命一樣，我生命的伊始樸素而單純；我來了，我觀察，我奮爭，如同很多百姓家中第一個孩子所做的一樣。為了給我起名字，家人還煞費了一番周章。一個家庭里第一個孩子的名字當然馬虎不得，家里的每一個人都參與其中。我的父親建議給我取名米爾德萊德·坎貝爾，此人是父親極為崇敬的一位祖先，對于這個名字，父親拒絕做進一步的商榷。而我的母親則按照她自己的意愿解決這個問題，她認為我應該隨她母親的姓氏。她母親少女時代的名字是海倫·埃弗里特。沒想到的是，就在一家人興高采烈地帶我去教堂洗禮的路上，父親把起好的名字給弄丟了，這再自然不過了，因為這是一個父親本不喜歡的名字。所以，當牧師問他的時候，他才記起來，我的名字還是應該隨我外祖母的姓氏，這是早就定好了的，于是他給嬰兒取名叫海倫·亞當斯。
I am told that while I was still in long dresses I showed many signs of an eager, self-asserting disposition. Everything that I saw other people do I insisted upon imitating. At six months I could pipe out "How d'ye," and one day I attracted every one's attention by saying "Tea, tea, tea" quite plainly. Even after my illness I remembered one of the words I had learned in these early months. It was the word "water," and I continued to make some sound for that word after all other speech was lost. I ceased making the sound "wah-wah" only when I learned to spell the word.
我從家人口中得知，當我尚在襁褓中的時候，我就顯示出了急躁而固執(zhí)的個性。我會執(zhí)意模仿別人做的每一件事情。在六個月大時，我就能咿呀說出“你——好”之類的詞句。有一天，我十分清晰地說出了“茶，茶，茶”，這引起了家里每一個人的注意。即便是在我生病之后，我仍然記得在我生命最初幾個月里所學到的一個詞，這個詞就是“水”。此后，在我所有的語言功能喪失殆盡后，我就一直模糊地發(fā)出“水”這個詞的聲音，只有在學習拼讀的時候，我才會停止說“水——水”。
They tell me I walked the day I was a year old. My mother had just taken me out of the bath-tub and was holding me in her lap, when I was suddenly attracted by the flickering shadows of leaves that danced in the sunlight on the smooth floor. I slipped from my mother's lap and almost ran toward them. The impulse gone, I fell down and cried for her to take me up in her arms.
家人還對我講了我一歲時學走路的情景。那天，母親把我從澡盆里抱出來，把我放在她的膝蓋上。當時，林木婆娑，光影搖曳，我被眼前的景象吸引住了，于是，我從母親的腿上掙脫出來，試圖追逐地上的陰影。這種沖動付出了代價，我跌倒在地，哭叫著撲進母親的懷里。
These happy days did not last long. One brief spring, musical with the song of robin and mocking-bird, one summer rich in fruit and roses, one autumn of gold and crimson sped by and left their gifts at the feet of an eager, delighted child. Then, in the dreary month of February, came the illness which closed my eyes and ears and plunged me into the unconsciousness of a new-born baby. They called it acute congestion of the stomach and brain. The doctor thought I could not live. Early one morning, however, the fever left me as suddenly and mysteriously as it had come. There was great rejoicing in the family that morning, but no one, not even the doctor, knew that I should never see or hear again.
快樂的日子并沒有持續(xù)多久。一個短暫的春天，知更鳥和嘲鶇的啁啾余音繚繞；一個花果繁盛的夏天；一個金黃色的秋天——時光倏忽即逝，在一個如饑似渴、欣喜異常的幼兒腳下，季節(jié)留下了自己最后的禮物。隨后，在一個陰沉蕭索的二月，疾病封閉了我的眼睛和耳朵，重新將我拋進一個新生嬰兒般的無意識狀態(tài)。家人們管這種病叫做胃和腦的急性阻塞癥。醫(yī)生認為我活不了了，然而造化弄人，就在某天早晨，我身上的燒突然退了，就像它到來時那樣神秘莫測。那天早晨，家中充滿了喜悅祥和的氣氛，但是沒有一個人，連同醫(yī)生在內(nèi)，全都不知道我再也看不見，再也聽不見了。
I fancy I still have confused recollections of that illness. I especially remember the tenderness with which my mother tried to soothe me in my waking hours of fret and pain, and the agony and bewilderment with which I awoke after a tossing half sleep, and turned my eyes, so dry and hot, to the wall, away from the once-loved light, which came to me dim and yet more dim each day. But, except for these fleeting memories, if, indeed, they be memories, it all seems very unreal, like a nightmare. Gradually I got used to the silence and darkness that surrounded me and forgot that it had ever been different, until she came--my teacher--who was to set my spirit free. But during the first nineteen months of my life I had caught glimpses of broad, green fields, a luminous sky, trees and flowers which the darkness that followed could not wholly blot out. If we have once seen, "the day is ours, and what the day has shown."
如今，對疾病的回憶仍然會令我感到困惑。我特別記得母親的悉心呵護，她在我一連數(shù)小時的焦躁和疼痛之中盡量撫慰我。我會在睡覺過程中驚悸著醒來，隨之而來的是巨大的痛楚和迷惑，我試圖轉(zhuǎn)動眼睛，然而它是如此地干澀灼熱；我把頭扭向墻壁，因為那里曾有迷人的亮光，但是我只能看到暗淡模糊的一片，而且每天都在變暗。除了這些短暫的記憶，也就不曾剩下別樣的東西了。事實上，這些回憶如夢似幻，恰如一場噩夢。漸漸地，我變得習慣于被寂靜和黑暗所圍裹，我也沒有意識到這種生活有什么與眾不同，直到她——我的老師到來的那一天——她引導我進入了精神自由的境界�？傊�，在我生命的最初十九個月中，我曾對這個世界匆匆一瞥，廣袤的綠色田野，明亮的天空，樹木和花叢的印記是隨后而來的黑暗所無法抹煞掉的。假如我們曾經(jīng)看見，“那一天就屬于我們，那一天所展示的一切就屬于我們”。
