There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning; but since dinner (Mrs. Reed, when there was no company, dined early) the cold winter wind had brought with it clouds so sombre, and a rain so penetrating, that further out-door exercise was now out of the question.
那天，出去散步是不可能了。其實(shí)，早上我們還在光禿禿的灌木林中溜達(dá)了一個小時，但從午飯時起（無客造訪時，里德太太很早就用午飯）便刮起了冬日凜冽的寒風(fēng)，隨后陰云密布，大雨滂沱，室外的活動也就只能作罷了。 I was glad of it: I never liked long walks, especially on chilly afternoons: dreadful to me was the coming home in the raw twilight, with nipped fingers and toes, and a heart saddened by the chidings of Bessie, the nurse, and humbled by the consciousness of my physical inferiority to Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed.
我倒是求之不得。我向來不喜歡遠(yuǎn)距離散步，尤其在冷颼颼的下午。試想，陰冷的薄暮時分回得家來，手腳都凍僵了，還要受到保姆貝茵的數(shù)落，又自覺體格不如伊麗莎、約翰和喬治亞娜，心里既難過又慚愧，那情形委實(shí)可怕。 The said Eliza, John, and Georgiana were now clustered round their mama in the drawing-room: she lay reclined on a sofa by the fireside, and with her darlings about her (for the time neither quarrelling nor crying) looked perfectly happy. Me, she had dispensed from joining the group; saying, She regretted to be under the necessity of keeping me at a distance; but that until she heard from Bessie, and could discover by her own observation, that I was endeavouring in good earnest to acquire a more sociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightly manner -- something lighter, franker, more natural, as it were -- she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy, little children.
此時此刻，剛才提到的伊麗莎、約翰和喬治亞娜都在客廳里，簇?fù)碇麄兊膵寢尅Ｋ齽t斜倚在爐邊的沙發(fā)上，身旁坐著自己的小寶貝們（眼下既未爭吵也未哭叫），一副安享天倫之樂的神態(tài)。而我呢，她恩準(zhǔn)我不必同他們坐在一起了，說是她很遺憾，不得不讓我獨(dú)個兒在一旁呆著。要是沒有親耳從貝茜那兒聽到，并且親眼看到，我確實(shí)在盡力養(yǎng)成一種比較單純隨和的習(xí)性，活潑可愛的舉止，也就是更開朗、更率直、更自然些，那她當(dāng)真不讓我享受那些只配給予快樂知足的孩子們的特權(quán)了。 What does Bessie say I have done? I asked.
“貝茵說我干了什么啦？”我問。 Jane, I don't like cavillers or questioners; besides, there is something truly forbidding in a child taking up her elders in that manner. Be seated somewhere; and until you can speak pleasantly, remain silent.
“簡，我不喜歡吹毛求疵或者刨根究底的人，更何況小孩子家這么跟大人頂嘴實(shí)在讓人討厭。找個地方去坐著，不會和氣說話就別張嘴。” A breakfast-room adjoined the drawing-room, I slipped in there. It contained a bookcase: I soon possessed myself of a volume, taking care that it should be one stored with pictures. I mounted into the window-seat: gathering up my feet, I sat cross-legged, like a Turk; and, having drawn the red moreen curtain nearly close, I was shrined in double retirement.
客廳的隔壁是一間小小的餐室，我溜了進(jìn)去。里面有一個書架。不一會兒，我從上面拿下一本書來，特意挑插圖多的，爬上窗臺，縮起雙腳，像土耳其人那樣盤腿坐下，將紅色的波紋窗簾幾乎完全拉攏，把自己加倍隱蔽了起來。 Folds of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the right hand; to the left were the clear panes of glass, protecting, but not separating me from the drear November day. At intervals, while turning over the leaves of my book, I studied the aspect of that winter afternoon. Afar, it offered a pale blank of mist and cloud; near a scene of wet lawn and storm-beat shrub, with ceaseless rain sweeping away wildly before a long and lamentable blast.
在我右側(cè)，緋紅色窗幔的皺褶檔住了我的視線；左側(cè)，明亮的玻璃窗庇護(hù)著我，使我既免受十一月陰沉天氣的侵害，又不與外面的世界隔絕，在翻書的間隙，我抬頭細(xì)看冬日下午的景色。只見遠(yuǎn)方白茫茫一片云霧，近處濕漉漉一塊草地和受風(fēng)雨襲擊的灌木。一陣持久而凄厲的狂風(fēng)，驅(qū)趕著如注的暴雨，橫空歸過。 I returned to my book -- Bewick's History of British Birds: the letterpress thereof I cared little for, generally speaking; and yet there were certain introductory pages that, child as I was, I could not pass quite as a blank. They were those which treat of the haunts of sea-fowl; of the solitary rocks and promontories by them only inhabited; of the coast of Norway, studded with isles from its southern extremity, the Lindeness, or Naze, to the North Cape -
我重又低頭看書，那是本比尤伊克的《英國鳥類史》。文字部份我一般不感興趣，但有幾頁導(dǎo)言，雖說我是孩子，卻不愿當(dāng)作空頁隨手翻過。內(nèi)中寫到了海鳥生息之地；寫到了只有海鳥棲居的“孤零零的巖石和海岬”；寫到了自南端林納斯尼斯，或納斯，至北角都遍布小島的挪威海岸。 Where the Northern Ocean, in vast whirls, Boils round the naked, melancholy isles Of farthest Thule; and the Atlantic surge Pours in among the stormy Hebrides.
那里，北冰洋掀起的巨大漩渦，咆哮在極地光禿凄涼約小島四周。而大西洋的洶涌波濤，瀉入了狂暴的赫布里底群島。 Nor could I pass unnoticed the suggestion of the bleak shores of Lapland, Siberia, Spitzbergen, Nova Zembla, Iceland, Greenland, with the vast sweep of the Arctic Zone, and those forlorn regions of dreary space, -- that reservoir of frost and snow, where firm fields of ice, the accumulation of centuries of winters, glazed in Alpine heights above heights, surround the pole, and concentre the multiplied rigours of extreme cold. Of these death-white realms I formed an idea of my own: shadowy, like all the half-comprehended notions that float dim through children's brains, but strangely impressive. The words in these introductory pages connected themselves with the succeeding vignettes, and gave significance to the rock standing up alone in a sea of billow and spray; to the broken boat stranded on a desolate coast; to the cold and ghastly moon glancing through bars of cloud at a wreck just sinking.
還有些地方我也不能看都不看，一翻而過，那就是書中提到的拉普蘭、西伯利亞、斯匹次卑爾根群島、新地島、冰島和格陵蘭荒涼的海岸�！皬V袤無垠的北極地帶和那些陰凄凄的不毛之地，宛若冰雪的儲存庫。千萬個寒冬所積聚成的堅冰，像阿爾卑斯山的層層高峰，光滑晶瑩，包圍著地極，把與日俱增的嚴(yán)寒匯集于一處�！蔽覍@些死白色的地域，已有一定之見，但一時難以捉摸，仿佛孩子們某些似懂非懂的念頭，朦朦朧朧浮現(xiàn)在腦際，卻出奇地生動，導(dǎo)言中的這幾頁文字，與后面的插圖相配，使兀立于大海波濤中的孤巖，擱淺在荒涼海岸上的破船，以及透過云帶俯視著沉船的幽幽月光，更加含義雋永了。 I cannot tell what sentiment haunted the quite solitary churchyard, with its inscribed headstone; its gate, its two trees, its low horizon, girdled by a broken wall, and its newly-risen crescent, attesting the hour of eventide.
我說不清一種什么樣的情調(diào)彌漫在孤寂的墓地：刻有銘文的墓碑、一扇大門、兩棵樹、低低的地平線、破敗的圍墻。一彎初升的新月，表明時候正是黃昏。 The two ships becalmed on a torpid sea, I believed to be marine phantoms.
兩艘輪船停泊在水波不興的海面上，我以為它們是海上的鬼怪。 The fiend pinning down the thief's pack behind him, I passed over quickly: it was an object of terror.
魔鬼從身后按住竊賊的背包，那模樣實(shí)在可怕，我趕緊翻了過去。 So was the black horned thing seated aloof on a rock, surveying a distant crowd surrounding a gallows.
一樣可怕的是，那個頭上長角的黑色怪物，獨(dú)踞于巖石之上，遠(yuǎn)眺著一大群人圍著絞架。 Each picture told a story; mysterious often to my undeveloped understanding and imperfect feelings, yet ever profoundly interesting: as interesting as the tales Bessie sometimes narrated on winter evenings, when she chanced to be in good humour; and when, having brought her ironing-table to the nursery hearth, she allowed us to sit about it, and while she got up Mrs. Reed's lace frills, and crimped her nightcap borders, fed our eager attention with passages of love and adventure taken from old fairy tales and other ballads; or (as at a later period I discovered) from the pages of Pamela, and Henry, Earl of Moreland.
每幅畫都是一個故事、由于我理解力不足，欣賞水平有限，它們往往顯得神秘莫測，但無不趣味盎然，就像某些冬夜，貝茜碰巧心情不錯時講述的故事一樣。遇到這種時候，貝茵會把燙衣桌搬到保育室的壁爐旁邊，讓我們圍著它坐好。她一面熨里德太太的網(wǎng)眼飾邊，把睡帽的邊沿燙出褶裥來，一面讓我們迫不及待地傾聽她一段段愛情和冒險故事，這些片段取自于古老的神話傳說和更古老的歌謠，或者如我后來所發(fā)現(xiàn)，來自《帕美拉》和《莫蘭伯爵亨利》。 With Bewick on my knee, I was then happy: happy at least in my way. I feared nothing but interruption, and that came too soon. The breakfast-room door opened.
當(dāng)時，我膝頭攤著比尤伊克的書，心里樂滋滋的，至少是自得其樂，就怕別人來打擾。 Boh! Madam Mope! cried the voice of John Reed; then he paused: he found the room apparently empty.
但打擾來得很快，餐室的門開了。 Where the dickens is she! he continued. Lizzy! Georgy! (calling to his sisters) Joan is not here: tell mama she is run out into the rain -- bad animal!
“噓！苦惱小姐！”約翰·里德叫喚著，隨后又打住了，顯然發(fā)覺房間里空無一人。 It is well I drew the curtain, thought I; and I wished fervently he might not discover my hiding-place: nor would John Reed have found it out himself; he was not quick either of vision or conception; but Eliza just put her head in at the door, and said at once -
“見鬼，上哪兒去了呀？”他接著說。“麗茜！喬琪！”（喊著他的姐妹）“瓊不在這兒吶，告訴媽媽她竄到雨地里去了，這個壞畜牲！” She is in the window-seat, to be sure, Jack.
“幸虧我拉好了窗簾，”我想。我真希望他發(fā)現(xiàn)不了我的藏身之地。約翰·里德自己是發(fā)現(xiàn)不了的，他眼睛不尖，頭腦不靈�？上б聋惿瘡拈T外一探進(jìn)頭來，就說：“她在窗臺上，準(zhǔn)沒錯，杰克�！� And I came out immediately, for I trembled at the idea of being dragged forth by the said Jack.
我立即走了出來，因?yàn)橐幌氲揭贿@個杰克硬拖出去，身子便直打哆嗦。 What do you want? I asked, with awkward diffidence.
什么事呀？”我問，既尷尬又不安。 Say, 'What do you want, Master Reed?' was the answer. I want you to come here; and seating himself in an arm-chair, he intimated by a gesture that I was to approach and stand before him.
“該說，什么事呀，里德‘少爺？’”便是我得到的回答�！拔乙愕竭@里來，”他在扶手椅上坐下，打了個手勢，示意我走過去站到他面前。 John Reed was a schoolboy of fourteen years old; four years older than I, for I was but ten: large and stout for his age, with a dingy and unwholesome skin; thick lineaments in a spacious visage, heavy limbs and large extremities. He gorged himself habitually at table, which made him bilious, and gave him a dim and bleared eye and flabby cheeks. He ought now to have been at school; but his mama had taken him home for a month or two, on account of his delicate health. Mr. Miles, the master, affirmed that he would do very well if he had fewer cakes and sweetmeats sent him from home; but the mother's heart turned from an opinion so harsh, and inclined rather to the more refined idea that John's sallowness was owing to over-application and, perhaps, to pining after home.
約翰·里德是個十四歲的小學(xué)生，比我大四歲，因?yàn)槲也攀畾q。論年齡，他長得又大又胖，但膚色灰暗，一付病態(tài)。臉盤闊，五官粗，四肢肥，手膨大。還喜歡暴飲暴食，落得個肝火很旺，目光遲鈍，兩頰松弛。這陣子，他本該呆在學(xué)校里，可是他媽把他領(lǐng)了回來，住上—、兩個月，說是因?yàn)椤吧眢w虛弱”。但他老師邁爾斯先生卻斷言，要是家里少送些糕點(diǎn)糖果去，他會什么都很好的，做母親的心里卻討厭這么刻薄的話，而傾向于一種更隨和的想法，認(rèn)為約翰是過于用功，或許還因?yàn)橄爰�，才弄得那么面色蠟黃的。 John had not much affection for his mother and sisters, and an antipathy to me. He bullied and punished me; not two or three times in the week, nor once or twice in the day, but continually: every nerve I had feared him, and every morsel of flesh in my bones shrank when he came near. There were moments when I was bewildered by the terror he inspired, because I had no appeal whatever against either his menaces or his inflictions; the servants did not like to offend their young master by taking my part against him, and Mrs. Reed was blind and deaf on the subject: she never saw him strike or heard him abuse me, though he did both now and then in her very presence, more frequently, however, behind her back.
約翰對母親和姐妹們沒有多少感情，而對我則很厭惡。他欺侮我，虐待我，不是一周三兩次，也不是一天一兩回，而是經(jīng)常如此。弄得我每根神經(jīng)都怕他，他一走運(yùn)，我身子骨上的每塊肌肉都會收縮起來。有時我會被他嚇得手足無措，因?yàn)槊鎸λ目謬樅推畚�，我無處哭訴。傭人們不愿站在我一邊去得罪他們的少爺，而里德太太則裝聾作啞，兒子打我罵我，她熟視無睹，盡管他動不動當(dāng)著她的面這樣做，而背著她的時候不用說就更多了。 Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair: he spent some three minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he could without damaging the roots: I knew he would soon strike, and while dreading the blow, I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of him who would presently deal it. I wonder if he read that notion in my face; for, all at once, without speaking, he struck suddenly and strongly. I tottered, and on regaining my equilibrium retired back a step or two from his chair.
我對約翰已慣于逆來順受，因此便走到他椅子跟前。他費(fèi)了大約三分鐘，拼命向我伸出舌頭，就差沒有繃斷舌根。我明白他會馬上下手，一面擔(dān)心挨打，一面凝視著這個就要動手的人那付令人厭惡的丑態(tài)。我不知道他看出了我的心思沒有，反正他二話沒說，猛然間狠命揍我。我一個踉蹌，從他椅子前倒退了一兩步才站穩(wěn)身子。 That is for your impudence in answering mama awhile since, said he, and for your sneaking way of getting behind curtains, and for the look you had in your eyes two minutes since, you rat!
“這是對你的教訓(xùn)，誰叫你剛才那么無禮跟媽媽頂嘴，”他說，“誰叫你鬼鬼祟祟躲到窗簾后面，誰叫你兩分鐘之前眼光里露出那付鬼樣子，你這耗子！” Accustomed to John Reed's abuse, I never had an idea of replying to it; my care was how to endure the blow which would certainly follow the insult.
我已經(jīng)習(xí)慣于約翰·里德的謾罵，從來不愿去理睬，一心只想著加何去忍受辱罵以后必然接蹤而來的毆打。 What were you doing behind the curtain? he asked.
“你躲在窗簾后面干什么？”他問。 I was reading.
“在看書。” Show the book.
“把書拿來。” I returned to the window and fetched it thence.
我走回窗前把書取來。 You have no business to take our books; you are a dependent, mama says; you have no money; your father left you none; you ought to beg, and not to live here with gentlemen's children like us, and eat the same meals we do, and wear clothes at our mama's expense. Now, I'll teach you to rummage my bookshelves: for they ARE mine; all the house belongs to me, or will do in a few years. Go and stand by the door, out of the way of the mirror and the windows.
“你沒有資格動我們的書。媽媽說的，你靠別人養(yǎng)活你，你沒有錢，你爸爸什么也沒留給你，你應(yīng)當(dāng)去討飯，而不該同像我們這樣體面人家的孩子一起過日子，不該同我們吃一樣的飯，穿媽媽掏錢給買的衣服�，F(xiàn)在我要教訓(xùn)你，讓你知道翻我們書架的好處。這些書都是我的，連整座房子都是，要不過幾年就歸我了。滾，站到門邊去，離鏡子和窗子遠(yuǎn)些。” I did so, not at first aware what was his intention; but when I saw him lift and poise the book and stand in act to hurl it, I instinctively started aside with a cry of alarm: not soon enough, however; the volume was flung, it hit me, and I fell, striking my head against the door and cutting it. The cut bled, the pain was sharp: my terror had passed its climax; other feelings succeeded.
我照他的話做了，起初并不知道他的用意。但是他把書舉起，拿穩(wěn)當(dāng)了，立起身來擺出要扔過來的架勢時，我一聲驚叫，本能地往旁邊一閃，可是晚了、那本書己經(jīng)扔過來，正好打中了我，我應(yīng)聲倒下，腦袋撞在門上，碰出了血來，疼痛難忍。我的恐懼心理已經(jīng)越過了極限，被其他情感所代替。 Wicked and cruel boy! I said. You are like a murderer -- you are like a slave-driver -- you are like the Roman emperors!
“你是個惡毒殘暴的孩子！”我說�！澳阆駛�殺人犯——你是個奴隸監(jiān)工——你像羅馬皇帝！” I had read Goldsmith's History of Rome, and had formed my opinion of Nero, Caligula, &c. Also I had drawn parallels in silence, which I never thought thus to have declared aloud.
我讀過哥爾斯密的《羅馬史》，時尼祿、卡利古拉等人物已有自己的看法，并暗暗作過類比，但決沒有想到會如此大聲地說出口來。 What! what! he cried. Did she say that to me? Did you hear her, Eliza and Georgiana? Won't I tell mama? but first --
“什么！什么！”他大叫大嚷�！澳鞘撬f的嗎？伊麗莎、喬治亞娜，你們可聽見她說了？我會不去告訴媽媽嗎？不過我得先——”。 He ran headlong at me: I felt him grasp my hair and my shoulder: he had closed with a desperate thing. I really saw in him a tyrant, a murderer. I felt a drop or two of blood from my head trickle down my neck, and was sensible of somewhat pungent suffering: these sensations for the time predominated over fear, and I received him in frantic sort. I don't very well know what I did with my hands, but he called me Rat! Rat! and bellowed out aloud. Aid was near him: Eliza and Georgiana had run for Mrs. Reed, who was gone upstairs: she now came upon the scene, followed by Bessie and her maid Abbot. We were parted: I heard the words -
他向我直沖過來，我只覺得他抓住了我的頭發(fā)和肩膀，他跟一個拼老命的家伙扭打在一起了。我發(fā)現(xiàn)他真是個暴君，是個殺人犯。我覺得一兩滴血從頭上順著脖子淌下來，感到一陣熱辣辣的劇痛。這些感覺一時占了上風(fēng)，我不再畏懼，而發(fā)瘋似地同他對打起來。我不太清楚自己的雙手到底干了什么，只聽得他罵我“耗子！耗子！”一面殺豬似地嚎叫著。他的幫手近在咫尺，伊麗莎和喬治亞娜早已跑出去討救兵，里德太太上了樓梯，來到現(xiàn)場，后面跟隨著貝茜和女傭艾博特。她們我們拉開了，我只聽見她們說： Dear! dear! What a fury to fly at Master John!
“哎呀！哎呀！這么大的氣出在約翰少爺身上：” Did ever anybody see such a picture of passion!
“誰見過那么火冒三丈的！” Then Mrs. Reed subjoined -
隨后里德太太補(bǔ)充說： Take her away to the red-room, and lock her in there. Four hands were immediately laid upon me, and I was borne upstairs.
“帶她到紅房子里去，關(guān)起來�！庇谑邱R上就有兩雙手按住了我，把我推上樓去。 I resisted all the way: a new thing for me, and a circumstance which greatly strengthened the bad opinion Bessie and Miss Abbot were disposed to entertain of me. The fact is, I was a trifle beside myself; or rather OUT of myself, as the French would say: I was conscious that a moment's mutiny had already rendered me liable to strange penalties, and, like any other rebel slave, I felt resolved, in my desperation, to go all lengths.
我一路反抗，在我，這還是破天荒第一次。于是大大加深了貝茜和艾博特小姐對我的惡感。我確實(shí)有點(diǎn)兒難以自制，或者如法國人所說，失常了。我意識到，因?yàn)橐粫r的反抗，會不得不遭受古怪離奇的懲罰。于是，像其他造反的奴隸一樣，我橫下一條心，決計不顧一切了。 Hold her arms, Miss Abbot: she's like a mad cat.
“ 抓住她的胳膊，艾博特小姐，她像一只發(fā)了瘋的貓�！� For shame! for shame! cried the lady's-maid. What shocking conduct, Miss Eyre, to strike a young gentleman, your benefactress's son! Your young master.
“真丟臉！真丟臉！”這位女主人的侍女叫道，“多可怕的舉動，愛小姐，居然打起小少爺來了，他是你恩人的兒子：你的小主人！” Master! How is he my master? Am I a servant?
“主人，他怎么會是我主人，難道我是仆人不成？” No; you are less than a servant, for you do nothing for your keep. There, sit down, and think over your wickedness.
“不，你連仆人都不如。你不干事，吃白食。喂，坐下來，好好想一想你有多壞�！� They had got me by this time into the apartment indicated by Mrs. Reed, and had thrust me upon a stool: my impulse was to rise from it like a spring; their two pair of hands arrested me instantly.
這時候她們已把我拖進(jìn)了里德太太所指的房間，推操到一條矮凳上，我不由自主地像彈簧一樣跳起來，但立刻被兩雙手按住了。 If you don't sit still, you must be tied down, said Bessie. Miss Abbot, lend me your garters; she would break mine directly.
“要是你不安安穩(wěn)穩(wěn)坐著，我們可得綁住你了，”貝茜說，“艾博特小姐，把你的襪帶借給我，我那付會被她一下子繃斷的�！� Miss Abbot turned to divest a stout leg of the necessary ligature. This preparation for bonds, and the additional ignominy it inferred, took a little of the excitement out of me.
艾博特小姐轉(zhuǎn)而從她粗壯的腿上，解下那條必不可少的帶子。捆綁前的準(zhǔn)備工作以及由此而額外蒙受的恥辱，略微消解了我的激動情緒。 Don't take them off, I cried; I will not stir.
“別解啦，”我叫道，“我不動就是了。” In guarantee whereof, I attached myself to my seat by my hands.
作為保證，我讓雙手緊挨著凳子。 Mind you don't, said Bessie; and when she had ascertained that I was really subsiding, she loosened her hold of me; then she and Miss Abbot stood with folded arms, looking darkly and doubtfully on my face, as incredulous of my sanity.
“記住別動，”貝茜說，知道我確實(shí)已經(jīng)平靜下去，便松了手。隨后她和艾博特小姐抱臂而立，沉著臉，滿腹狐疑地瞪著我，不相信我的神經(jīng)還是正常似的。 She never did so before, at last said Bessie, turning to the Abigail.
“她以前從來沒有這樣過，”末了，貝茜轉(zhuǎn)身對那位艾比蓋爾說。 But it was always in her, was the reply. I've told Missis often my opinion about the child, and Missis agreed with me. She's an underhand little thing: I never saw a girl of her age with so much cover.
“不過她生性如此，”對方回答，“我經(jīng)常跟太太說起我對這孩子的看法，太太也同意。這小東西真狡猾，從來沒見過像她這樣年紀(jì)的小姑娘，有那么多鬼心眼的�！� Bessie answered not; but ere long, addressing me, she said -- You ought to be aware, Miss, that you are under obligations to Mrs. Reed: she keeps you: if she were to turn you off, you would have to go to the poorhouse.
貝茜沒有搭腔，但不一會便對我說：“小姐，你該明白，你受了里德太太的恩惠，是她養(yǎng)著你的。要是她把你趕走，你就得進(jìn)貧民院了�！� I had nothing to say to these words: they were not new to me: my very first recollections of existence included hints of the same kind. This reproach of my dependence had become a vague sing-song in my ear: very painful and crushing, but only half intelligible. Miss Abbot joined in -
對她們這番活，我無話可說，因?yàn)槁犉饋聿⒉恍迈r。我生活的最早記憶中就包含著類似的暗示，這些責(zé)備我賴別人過活的話，己成了意義含糊的老調(diào)，叫人痛苦，讓人難受，但又不太好懂。艾博特小姐答話了： And you ought not to think yourself on an equality with the Misses Reed and Master Reed, because Missis kindly allows you to be brought up with them. They will have a great deal of money, and you will have none: it is your place to be humble, and to try to make yourself agreeable to them.
“你不能因?yàn)樘眯陌涯阃锏滦〗愫蜕贍斠粔K撫養(yǎng)大，就以為自己與他們平等了。他們將來會有很多很多錢，而你卻一個子兒也不會有。你得學(xué)謙恭些，盡量順著他們，這才是你的本份�！� What we tell you is for your good, added Bessie, in no harsh voice, you should try to be useful and pleasant, then, perhaps, you would have a home here; but if you become passionate and rude, Missis will send you away, I am sure.
“我們同你說的全是為了你好，”貝茜補(bǔ)充道，口氣倒并不嚴(yán)厲，“你做事要巴結(jié)些，學(xué)得乖一點(diǎn)，那樣也許可以把這當(dāng)個家住下去，要是你意氣用事，粗暴無禮，我敢肯定，太太會把你攆走。” Besides, said Miss Abbot, God will punish her: He might strike her dead in the midst of her tantrums, and then where would she go? Come, Bessie, we will leave her: I wouldn't have her heart for anything. Say your prayers, Miss Eyre, when you are by yourself; for if you don't repent, something bad might be permitted to come down the chimney and fetch you away.
“另外，”艾博特小姐說，“上帝會懲罰她，也許會在她耍啤氣時，把她處死，死后她能上哪兒呢，來，貝茜，咱們走吧，隨她去。反正我是無論如何打動不了她啦。愛小姐，你獨(dú)個兒呆著的時候，祈禱吧。要是你不懺悔，說不定有個壞家伙會從煙囪進(jìn)來，把你帶走�！� They went, shutting the door, and locking it behind them.
她們走了，關(guān)了門，隨手上了鎖。 The red-room was a square chamber, very seldom slept in, I might say never, indeed, unless when a chance influx of visitors at Gateshead Hall rendered it necessary to turn to account all the accommodation it contained: yet it was one of the largest and stateliest chambers in the mansion. A bed supported on massive pillars of mahogany, hung with curtains of deep red damask, stood out like a tabernacle in the centre; the two large windows, with their blinds always drawn down, were half shrouded in festoons and falls of similar drapery; the carpet was red; the table at the foot of the bed was covered with a crimson cloth; the walls were a soft fawn colour with a blush of pink in it; the wardrobe, the toilet-table, the chairs were of darkly polished old mahogany. Out of these deep surrounding shades rose high, and glared white, the piled-up mattresses and pillows of the bed, spread with a snowy Marseilles counterpane. Scarcely less prominent was an ample cushioned easy-chair near the head of the bed, also white, with a footstool before it; and looking, as I thought, like a pale throne.
紅房子是間空余的臥房，難得有人在里面過夜。其實(shí)也許可以說，從來沒有。除非蓋茨黑德府上偶而擁進(jìn)一大群客人時，才有必要動用全部房間。但府里的臥室，數(shù)它最寬敞、最堂皇了�！獜埣t木床赫然立于房間正中，粗大的床柱上，罩著深紅色錦緞帳幔，活像一個帳篷。兩扇終日窗簾緊閉的大窗，半掩在清一色織物制成的流蘇之中。地毯是紅的，床腳邊的桌子上鋪著深紅色的臺布，墻呈柔和的黃褐色，略帶粉紅。大櫥、梳妝臺和椅子都是烏黑發(fā)亮的紅木做的。床上高高地疊著褥墊和枕頭，上面鋪著雪白的馬賽布床罩，在周圍深色調(diào)陳設(shè)的映襯下，白得眩目。幾乎同樣顯眼的是床頭邊一把鋪著坐墊的大安樂椅，一樣的白色，前面還放著一只腳凳，在我看來，它像一個蒼白的寶座。 This room was chill, because it seldom had a fire; it was silent, because remote from the nursery and kitchen; solemn, because it was known to be so seldom entered. The house-maid alone came here on Saturdays, to wipe from the mirrors and the furniture a week's quiet dust: and Mrs. Reed herself, at far intervals, visited it to review the contents of a certain secret drawer in the wardrobe, where were stored divers parchments, her jewel-casket, and a miniature of her deceased husband; and in those last words lies the secret of the red-room -- the spell which kept it so lonely in spite of its grandeur.
房子里難得生火，所以很冷；因?yàn)檫h(yuǎn)離保育室和廚房，所以很靜；又因?yàn)檎l都知道很少有人進(jìn)去，所以顯得莊嚴(yán)肅穆。只有女傭每逢星期六上這里來，把一周內(nèi)靜悄悄落在鏡子上和家具上的灰塵抹去。還有里德太太本人，隔好久才來一次，查看大櫥里某個秘密抽屜里的東西。這里存放著各類羊皮文件，她的首飾盒，以及她已故丈夫的肖像。上面提到的最后幾句話，給紅房子帶來了一種神秘感，一種魔力，因而它雖然富麗堂皇，卻顯得分外凄清。 Mr. Reed had been dead nine years: it was in this chamber he breathed his last; here he lay in state; hence his coffin was borne by the undertaker's men; and, since that day, a sense of dreary consecration had guarded it from frequent intrusion.
里德先生死去已經(jīng)九年了，他就是在這間房子里咽氣的，他的遺體在這里讓人瞻仰，他的棺材由殯葬工人從這里抬走。從此之后，這里便始終彌漫著一種陰森森的祭奠氛圍，所以不常有人闖進(jìn)來。 My seat, to which Bessie and the bitter Miss Abbot had left me riveted, was a low ottoman near the marble chimney-piece; the bed rose before me; to my right hand there was the high, dark wardrobe, with subdued, broken reflections varying the gloss of its panels; to my left were the muffled windows; a great looking-glass between them repeated the vacant majesty of the bed and room. I was not quite sure whether they had locked the door; and when I dared move, I got up and went to see. Alas! yes: no jail was ever more secure. Returning, I had to cross before the looking-glass; my fascinated glance involuntarily explored the depth it revealed. All looked colder and darker in that visionary hollow than in reality: and the strange little figure there gazing at me, with a white face and arms specking the gloom, and glittering eyes of fear moving where all else was still, had the effect of a real spirit: I thought it like one of the tiny phantoms, half fairy, half imp, Bessie's evening stories represented as coming out of lone, ferny dells in moors, and appearing before the eyes of belated travellers. I returned to my stool.
貝茜和刻薄的艾博特小姐讓我一動不動坐著的，是一條軟墊矮凳，擺在靠近大理石壁爐的地方。我面前是高聳的床，我右面是黑漆漆的大櫥，櫥上柔和、斑駁的反光，使鑲板的光澤搖曳變幻。我左面是關(guān)得嚴(yán)嚴(yán)實(shí)實(shí)的窗子，兩扇窗子中間有一面大鏡子，映照出床和房間的空曠和肅穆。我吃不準(zhǔn)他們鎖了門沒有，等到敢于走動時，便起來看個究竟。哎呀，不錯，比牢房鎖得還緊吶。返回原地時，我必須經(jīng)過大鏡子跟前。我的目光被吸引住了，禁不住探究起鏡中的世界來。在虛幻的映像中，一切都顯得比現(xiàn)實(shí)中更冷落、更陰沉。那個陌生的小家伙瞅著我，白白的臉上和胳膊上都蒙上了斑駁的陰影，在—切都凝滯時，唯有那雙明亮恐懼的眼睛在閃動，看上去真像是一個幽靈。我覺得她像那種半仙半人的小精靈，恰如貝茵在夜晚的故事中所描繪的那樣，從沼澤地帶山蕨叢生的荒谷中冒出來，現(xiàn)身于遲歸的旅行者眼前。我回到丁我的矮凳上。 Superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hour for complete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present.
這時候我相信起迷信來了，但并沒有到了完全聽?wèi){擺布的程度，我依然熱血沸騰，反叛的奴隸那種苦澀情緒依然激勵著我。往事如潮、在我腦海中奔涌，如果我不加以遏制，我就不會對陰暗的現(xiàn)實(shí)屈服。 All John Reed's violent tyrannies, all his sisters' proud indifference, all his mother's aversion, all the servants' partiality, turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well. Why was I always suffering, always browbeaten, always accused, for ever condemned? Why could I never please? Why was it useless to try to win any one's favour? Eliza, who was headstrong and selfish, was respected. Georgiana, who had a spoiled temper, a very acrid spite, a captious and insolent carriage, was universally indulged. Her beauty, her pink cheeks and golden curls, seemed to give delight to all who looked at her, and to purchase indemnity for every fault. John no one thwarted, much less punished; though he twisted the necks of the pigeons, killed the little pea-chicks, set the dogs at the sheep, stripped the hothouse vines of their fruit, and broke the buds off the choicest plants in the conservatory: he called his mother old girl, too; sometimes reviled her for her dark skin, similar to his own; bluntly disregarded her wishes; not unfrequently tore and spoiled her silk attire; and he was still her own darling. I dared commit no fault: I strove to fulfil every duty; and I was termed naughty and tiresome, sullen and sneaking, from morning to noon, and from noon to night.
翰·里德的專橫霸道、他姐妹的高傲冷漠、他母親的厭惡、仆人們的偏心，像一口混沌的水井中黑色的沉淀物，一古腦兒泛起在我煩惱不安的心頭。為什么我總是受苦，總是遭人白眼，總是讓人告狀，永遠(yuǎn)受到責(zé)備呢？為什么我永遠(yuǎn)不能討人喜歡？為什么我盡力博取歡心，卻依然無濟(jì)于事呢？伊麗莎自私任性，卻受到尊敬；喬治亞娜好使性子，心腸又毒，而且強(qiáng)詞奪理目空一切，偏偏得到所有人的縱容。她的美貌，她紅潤的面頰，金色的卷發(fā)，使得她人見人愛，一俊便可遮百丑。至于約翰，沒有人同他頂撞，更不用說教訓(xùn)他了，雖然他什么壞事都干：捻斷鴿子的頭頸，弄死小孔雀，放狗去咬羊，采摘溫室中的葡萄，掐斷暖房上等花木的嫩芽。有時還叫他母親“老姑娘”，又因?yàn)樗つw黝黑像他自己而破口大罵。他蠻橫地與母親作對，經(jīng)常撕毀她的絲綢服裝，而他卻依然是“她的寶貝蛋”。而我不敢有絲毫閃失，干什么都全力以赴，人家還是罵我淘氣鬼，討厭坯，罵我陰絲絲，賊溜溜，從早上罵到下午，從下午罵到晚上。 My head still ached and bled with the blow and fall I had received: no one had reproved John for wantonly striking me; and because I had turned against him to avert farther irrational violence, I was loaded with general opprobrium.
我因?yàn)榘ち舜�、跌了交，頭依然疼痛，依然流著血。約翰肆無忌憚地打我，卻不受責(zé)備，而我不過為了免遭進(jìn)一步無理毆打，反抗了一下，便成了眾矢之的。 Unjust! -- unjust! said my reason, forced by the agonising stimulus into precocious though transitory power: and Resolve, equally wrought up, instigated some strange expedient to achieve escape from insupportable oppression -- as running away, or, if that could not be effected, never eating or drinking more, and letting myself die.
“不公呵，不公！”我的理智呼喊著。在痛苦的刺激下我的理智變得早熟，化作了一種短暫的力量。決心也同樣鼓動起來，激發(fā)我去采取某種奇怪的手段，來擺脫難以忍受的壓迫，譬如逃跑，要是不能奏效，那就不吃不喝，活活餓死。 What a consternation of soul was mine that dreary afternoon! How all my brain was in tumult, and all my heart in insurrection! Yet in what darkness, what dense ignorance, was the mental battle fought! I could not answer the ceaseless inward question -- WHY I thus suffered; now, at the distance of -- I will not say how many years, I see it clearly.
那個陰沉的下午，我心里多么惶恐不安！我的整個腦袋如一團(tuán)亂麻，我的整顆心在反抗：然而那場內(nèi)心斗爭又顯得多么茫然，多么無知�。∥覠o法回答心底那永無休止的問題——為什么我要如此受苦。此刻，在相隔——我不說多少年以后，我看清楚了。 I was a discord in Gateshead Hall: I was like nobody there; I had nothing in harmony with Mrs. Reed or her children, or her chosen vassalage. If they did not love me, in fact, as little did I love them. They were not bound to regard with affection a thing that could not sympathise with one amongst them; a heterogeneous thing, opposed to them in temperament, in capacity, in propensities; a useless thing, incapable of serving their interest, or adding to their pleasure; a noxious thing, cherishing the germs of indignation at their treatment, of contempt of their judgment. I know that had I been a sanguine, brilliant, careless, exacting, handsome, romping child -- though equally dependent and friendless -- Mrs. Reed would have endured my presence more complacently; her children would have entertained for me more of the cordiality of fellow-feeling; the servants would have been less prone to make me the scapegoat of the nursery.
我在蓋茨黑德府上格格不入。在那里我跟誰都不像。同里德太太、她的孩子、她看中的家仆，都不融洽。他們不愛我，說實(shí)在我也一樣不愛他們。他們沒有必要熱情對待一個與自已合不來的家伙，一個無論是個性、地位，還是嗜好都同他們涇渭分明的異己；一個既不能為他們效勞，也不能給他們增添歡樂的廢物；一個對自己的境界心存不滿而又蔑視他們想法的討厭家伙。我明白，如果我是一個聰明開朗、漂亮頑皮、不好侍候的孩子，即使同樣是寄人籬下，同樣是無親無故，里德太太也會對我的處境更加寬容忍讓；她的孩子們也會對我親切熱情些；傭人們也不會一再把我當(dāng)作保育室的替罪羊了。 Daylight began to forsake the red-room; it was past four o'clock, and the beclouded afternoon was tending to drear twilight. I heard the rain still beating continuously on the staircase window, and the wind howling in the grove behind the hall; I grew by degrees cold as a stone, and then my courage sank. My habitual mood of humiliation, self-doubt, forlorn depression, fell damp on the embers of my decaying ire. All said I was wicked, and perhaps I might be so; what thought had I been but just conceiving of starving myself to death? That certainly was a crime: and was I fit to die? Or was the vault under the chancel of Gateshead Church an inviting bourne? In such vault I had been told did Mr. Reed lie buried; and led by this thought to recall his idea, I dwelt on it with gathering dread. I could not remember him; but I knew that he was my own uncle -- my mother's brother -- that he had taken me when a parentless infant to his house; and that in his last moments he had required a promise of Mrs. Reed that she would rear and maintain me as one of her own children. Mrs. Reed probably considered she had kept this promise; and so she had, I dare say, as well as her nature would permit her; but how could she really like an interloper not of her race, and unconnected with her, after her husband's death, by any tie? It must have been most irksome to find herself bound by a hard-wrung pledge to stand in the stead of a parent to a strange child she could not love, and to see an uncongenial alien permanently intruded on her own family group.
紅房子里白晝將荊時候已是四點(diǎn)過后，暗沉沉的下午正轉(zhuǎn)為凄涼的黃昏。我聽見雨點(diǎn)仍不停地敲打著樓梯的窗戶，狂風(fēng)在門廳后面的樹叢中怒號。我漸漸地冷得像塊石頭，勇氣也煙消云散。往常那種屈辱感，那種缺乏自信、孤獨(dú)沮喪的情緒，澆滅了我將消未消的怒火，誰都說我壞，也許我確實(shí)如此吧。我不是一心謀劃著讓自己餓死嗎？這當(dāng)然是一種罪過。而且我該不該死呢？或者，蓋茨黑德教堂圣壇底下的墓穴是個令人向往的歸宿嗎？聽說里德先生就長眠在這樣的墓穴里。這一念頭重又勾起了我對他的回憶，而越往下細(xì)想，就越害怕起來。我已經(jīng)不記得他了，只知道他是我舅父——我母親的哥哥——他收養(yǎng)了我這個襁褓中的孤兒，而且在彌留之際，要里德太太答應(yīng)，把我當(dāng)作她自己的孩子來撫養(yǎng)。里德太太也許認(rèn)為自己是信守諾言的。而我想就她本性而論，也確是實(shí)踐了當(dāng)初的許諾�？墒撬趺茨苷嫘南矚g一個不屬于她家的外姓、一個在丈夫死后同她已了卻一切干系的人呢？她發(fā)現(xiàn)自己受這勉為其難的保證的約束，充當(dāng)一個自己所無法喜愛的陌生孩子的母親，眼睜睜看著一位不相投合的外人永遠(yuǎn)硬擠在自己的家人中間。對她來說，這想必是件最惱人的事情了。 A singular notion dawned upon me. I doubted not -- never doubted -- that if Mr. Reed had been alive he would have treated me kindly; and now, as I sat looking at the white bed and overshadowed walls -- occasionally also turning a fascinated eye towards the dimly gleaning mirror -- I began to recall what I had heard of dead men, troubled in their graves by the violation of their last wishes, revisiting the earth to punish the perjured and avenge the oppressed; and I thought Mr. Reed's spirit, harassed by the wrongs of his sister's child, might quit its abode -- whether in the church vault or in the unknown world of the departed -- and rise before me in this chamber. I wiped my tears and hushed my sobs, fearful lest any sign of violent grief might waken a preternatural voice to comfort me, or elicit from the gloom some haloed face, bending over me with strange pity. This idea, consolatory in theory, I felt would be terrible if realised: with all my might I endeavoured to stifle it -- I endeavoured to be firm. Shaking my hair from my eyes, I lifted my head and tried to look boldly round the dark room; at this moment a light gleamed on the wall. Was it, I asked myself, a ray from the moon penetrating some aperture in the blind? No; moonlight was still, and this stirred; while I gazed, it glided up to the ceiling and quivered over my head. I can now conjecture readily that this streak of light was, in all likelihood, a gleam from a lantern carried by some one across the lawn: but then, prepared as my mind was for horror, shaken as my nerves were by agitation, I thought the swift darting beam was a herald of some coming vision from another world. My heart beat thick, my head grew hot; a sound filled my ears, which I deemed the rushing of wings; something seemed near me; I was oppressed, suffocated: endurance broke down; I rushed to the door and shook the lock in desperate effort. Steps came running along the outer passage; the key turned, Bessie and Abbot entered.
我忽然閃過一個古怪的念頭。我不懷疑—一也從來沒有懷疑過——里德先生要是在世，一定會待我很好。此刻，我坐著，一面打量著白白的床和影影綽綽的墻，不時還用經(jīng)不住誘惑的目光，瞟一眼泛著微光的鏡子，不由得憶起了關(guān)于死人的種種傳聞。據(jù)說由于人們違背了他們臨終的囑托，他們在墳?zāi)估锓浅２话�，于是便重訪人間，嚴(yán)懲發(fā)假誓的人，并為受壓者報仇。我思忖，里德先生的幽靈為外甥女的冤屈所動，會走出居所，不管那是教堂的墓穴，還是死者無人知曉的世界，來到這間房子，站在我面前。我抹去眼淚，忍住哭泣，擔(dān)心嚎啕大哭會驚動什么不可知的聲音來撫慰我，或者在昏暗中召來某些帶光環(huán)的面孔，露出奇異憐憫的神色，俯身對著我。這念頭聽起來很令人欣慰，不過要是真的做起來，想必會非�？膳�。我使勁不去想它，抬起頭來，大著膽子環(huán)顧了一下暗洞洞的房間。就在這時，墻上閃過一道亮光。我問自己，會不會是一縷月光，透過百葉窗的縫隙照了進(jìn)來？不，月光是靜止的，而這透光卻是流動的。停晴一看，這光線滑到了天花板上，在我頭頂上抖動起來。現(xiàn)在我會很自然地聯(lián)想到，那很可能是有人提著燈籠穿過草地時射進(jìn)來的光。但那會兒，我腦子里盡往恐怖處去想，我的神經(jīng)也由于激動而非常緊張，我認(rèn)為那道飛快掠過的光，是某個幽靈從另一個世界到來的先兆。我的心怦怦亂跳，頭腦又熱又脹，耳朵里呼呼作響，以為那是翅膀拍擊聲，好像什么東西已經(jīng)逼近我了。我感到壓抑，感到窒息，我的忍耐力崩潰了，禁不住發(fā)瘋似地大叫了一聲，沖向大門，拼命搖著門鎖。外面?zhèn)兝壬享懫鹆孙w跑而來的腳步聲，鑰匙轉(zhuǎn)動了，貝茜和艾博特走進(jìn)房間。 Miss Eyre, are you ill? said Bessie.
貝茜說：愛小姐，你生病了嗎？ What a dreadful noise! it went quite through me! exclaimed Abbot.
艾博特驚呼：多可怕的聲音啊。 Take me out! Let me go into the nursery! was my cry.
我叫到：放我出去！讓我去保育室吧。 What for? Are you hurt? Have you seen something? again demanded Bessie.
貝茜詢問道：你干嘛？受傷了？你看到什么東西了？ Oh! I saw a light, and I thought a ghost would come. I had now got hold of Bessie's hand, and she did not snatch it from me.
“��！我看到了一道光，想必是鬼來了�！边@時，我拉住了貝茜的手，而她并沒有抽回去。 She has screamed out on purpose, declared Abbot, in some disgust. And what a scream! If she had been in great pain one would have excused it, but she only wanted to bring us all here: I know her naughty tricks.
“她是故意亂叫亂嚷的，”艾博特厭煩地當(dāng)著我的面說，“而且叫得那么兇！要是真痛得厲害，倒還可以原諒，可她只不過要把我們騙到這里來，我知道她的詭計�！� What is all this? demanded another voice peremptorily; and Mrs. Reed came along the corridor, her cap flying wide, her gown rustling stormily. Abbot and Bessie, I believe I gave orders that Jane Eyre should be left in the red-room till I came to her myself.
“到底是怎么回事？”一個咄咄逼人的聲音問道。隨后，里德太太從走廊里走過來，帽子飄忽著被風(fēng)鼓得大大的，睡袍悉悉簌簌響個不停�！鞍┨�，貝茜，我想我吩咐過，讓簡·愛呆在紅房子里，由我親自來過問�！� Miss Jane screamed so loud, ma'am, pleaded Bessie.
“簡小姐叫得那么響，夫人，”貝茵懇求著。 Let her go, was the only answer. Loose Bessie's hand, child: you cannot succeed in getting out by these means, be assured. I abhor artifice, particularly in children; it is my duty to show you that tricks will not answer: you will now stay here an hour longer, and it is only on condition of perfect submission and stillness that I shall liberate you then.
“放開她，”這是的回答�！八砷_貝茵的手，孩子。你盡可放心，靠這些辦法，是出不去的，我討厭耍花招，尤其是小孩子，我有責(zé)任讓你知道，鬼把戲不管用�，F(xiàn)在你要在這里多呆一個小時，而且只有服服貼貼，一動不動，才放你出來�！� O aunt! have pity! Forgive me! I cannot endure it -- let me be punished some other way! I shall be killed if --
“啊，舅媽，可憐可憐我吧：饒恕我吧！我實(shí)在受不了啦，用別的辦法懲罰我吧！我會憋死的，要是——” Silence! This violence is all most repulsive: and so, no doubt, she felt it. I was a precocious actress in her eyes; she sincerely looked on me as a compound of virulent passions, mean spirit, and dangerous duplicity.
“住嘴！這么鬧鬧嚷嚷討厭透了�！彼裏o疑就是這么感覺的。在她眼里我是個早熟的演員，她打心底里認(rèn)為，我是個本性惡毒、靈魂卑劣、為人陰險的貨色。 Bessie and Abbot having retreated, Mrs. Reed, impatient of my now frantic anguish and wild sobs, abruptly thrust me back and locked me in, without farther parley. I heard her sweeping away; and soon after she was gone, I suppose I had a species of fit: unconsciousness closed the scene.
貝茜和艾博特退了出去。里德太太對我瘋也似的痛苦嚎叫很不耐煩，無意再往下談了，驀地把我往后一推，鎖上了門。我聽見她堂而皇之地走了。她走后不久，我猜想我便一陣痙攣，昏了過去，結(jié)束了這場吵鬧。 The next thing I remember is, waking up with a feeling as if I had had a frightful nightmare, and seeing before me a terrible red glare, crossed with thick black bars. I heard voices, too, speaking with a hollow sound, and as if muffled by a rush of wind or water: agitation, uncertainty, and an all-predominating sense of terror confused my faculties. Ere long, I became aware that some one was handling me; lifting me up and supporting me in a sitting posture, and that more tenderly than I had ever been raised or upheld before. I rested my head against a pillow or an arm, and felt easy.
我隨后記得，醒過來時仿佛做了一場可怕的惡夢，看到眼前閃爍著駭人的紅光，被一根根又粗又黑的條子所隔斷。我還聽到了沉悶的說話聲，仿佛被一陣風(fēng)聲或水聲蓋住了似的。激動不安以及壓倒一切的恐怖感，使我神智模糊了。不久，我明白有人在擺弄我，把我扶起來，讓我靠著他坐著。我覺得以前從來沒有被人這么輕乎輕腳地抱起過，我把頭倚在一個枕頭上或是一條胳膊上，感到很舒服。 In five minutes more the cloud of bewilderment dissolved: I knew quite well that I was in my own bed, and that the red glare was the nursery fire. It was night: a candle burnt on the table; Bessie stood at the bed-foot with a basin in her hand, and a gentleman sat in a chair near my pillow, leaning over me.
五分鐘后，心頭的疑云消散了。我完全明白我在自己的床上，那紅光是保育室的爐火。時候是夜間，桌上燃著蠟燭。貝茵端著臉盆站在床腳邊，一位老先生坐在我枕邊的椅子上，俯身向著我。 I felt an inexpressible relief, a soothing conviction of protection and security, when I knew that there was a stranger in the room, an individual not belonging to Gateshead., and not related to Mrs. Reed. Turning from Bessie (though her presence was far less obnoxious to me than that of Abbot, for instance, would have been), I scrutinised the face of the gentleman: I knew him; it was Mr. Lloyd, an apothecary, sometimes called in by Mrs. Reed when the servants were ailing: for herself and the children she employed a physician.
我知道房間里有一個生人，一個不屬于蓋茨黑德府、也不與里德太太拈親帶故的人。這時，我感到了一種難以言表的寬慰，一種確信受到庇護(hù)而覺得安全的欣慰之情。我的目光離開貝茜（盡管她在身邊遠(yuǎn)沒有艾博特那么討厭），細(xì)細(xì)端詳這位先生的面容。我認(rèn)識他，他是芳埃德先生，是個藥劑師，有時里德太太請他來給傭人們看玻但她自己和孩子們不舒服時，請的是位內(nèi)科醫(yī)生。 Well, who am I? he asked.
“瞧，我是誰？”他問。 I pronounced his name, offering him at the same time my hand: he took it, smiling and saying, We shall do very well by-and-by. Then he laid me down, and addressing Bessie, charged her to be very careful that I was not disturbed during the night. Having given some further directions, and intimates that he should call again the next day, he departed; to my grief: I felt so sheltered and befriended while he sat in the chair near my pillow; and as he closed the door after him, all the room darkened and my heart again sank: inexpressible sadness weighed it down.
我說出了他的名字，同時把手伸給他，他握住了我的手、微微一笑說：“慢慢會好起來的。”隨后他扶我躺下，并吩咐貝茜千萬小心，在夜里別讓我受到打擾。他又叮囑了一番，說了聲第二天再來后，便走了。我非常難過。有他坐在我枕邊的椅子上，我感到既溫暖又親近，而他一走，門一關(guān)上，整個房間便暗了下來，我的心再次沉重起來，一種無可名狀的哀傷威壓著我。 Do you feel as if you should sleep, Miss? asked Bessie, rather softly.
“你覺得該睡了嗎，小姐？”貝茜問，口氣相當(dāng)溫存。 Scarcely dared I answer her; for I feared the next sentence might be rough. I will try.
我?guī)缀醪桓一卮鹚ε陆又脑挻拄敳恢新�。“我試試�！?Would you like to drink, or could you eat anything?
“你想喝什么，或者能吃點(diǎn)什么嗎？” No, thank you, Bessie.
“不啦，謝謝，貝茜。” Then I think I shall go to bed, for it is past twelve o'clock; but you may call me if you want anything in the night.
“那我去睡了，已經(jīng)過了十二點(diǎn)啦，不過要是夜里需要什么，你盡管叫我。” Wonderful civility this! It emboldened me to ask a question.
多么彬彬有禮��！于是我大著膽子問了個問題。 Bessie, what is the matter with me? Am I ill?
“貝茜，我怎么啦？病了嗎？” You fell sick, I suppose, in the red-room with crying; you'll be better soon, no doubt.
“你是病了，猜想是在紅房子里哭出病來的，肯定很快就會好的。” Bessie went into the housemaid's apartment, which was near. I heard her say -
貝茵走進(jìn)了附近傭人的臥房。我聽見她說：“薩拉，過來同我一起睡在保育室吧，今兒晚上，就是要我命，我也不敢同那個可憐孩子單獨(dú)過夜了。她說不定會死的。真奇怪她竟會昏過去。不知道她看見了什么沒有。里德太太也太狠心了�！� Sarah, come and sleep with me in the nursery; I daren't for my life be alone with that poor child to-night: she might die; it's such a strange thing she should have that fit: I wonder if she saw anything. Missis was rather too hard.
薩拉跟著她回來了，兩人都上了床，嘁嘁喳喳講了半個小時才睡著。我只聽到了片言只語，但我可以清楚地推斷出她們討論的主題。 Sarah came back with her; they both went to bed; they were whispering together for half-an-hour before they fell asleep. I caught scraps of their conversation, from which I was able only too distinctly to infer the main subject discussed.
“有個東西從她身邊經(jīng)過，一身素裝，轉(zhuǎn)眼就不見了”——“一條大黑狗跟在后面”——“在房門上砰砰砰”敲了三下——“墓地里一道白光正好掠過他墳?zāi)埂钡鹊鹊鹊取?Something passed her, all dressed in white, and vanished -- A great black dog behind him -- Three loud raps on the chamber door -- A light in the churchyard just over his grave, &c. &c.
最后，兩人都睡著了，爐火和燭光也都熄滅。我就這么可怕地醒著挨過了漫漫長夜，害怕得耳朵、眼睛和頭腦都緊張起來，這種恐俱是只有兒童才能感受到的。 At last both slept: the fire and the candle went out. For me, the watches of that long night passed in ghastly wakefulness; strained by dread: such dread as children only can feel.
紅房子事件并沒有給我身體留下嚴(yán)重或慢性的后遺癥，它不過使我的神經(jīng)受了驚嚇，對此我至今記憶猶新。是的，里德太太，你讓我領(lǐng)受了可怕的精神創(chuàng)傷，但我應(yīng)當(dāng)原諒你、因?yàn)槟悴⒉幻靼鬃约焊闪诵┦裁�，明明是在割斷我的心弦，卻自以為無非是要根除我的惡習(xí)。 No severe or prolonged bodily illness followed this incident of the red-room; it only gave my nerves a shock of which I feel the reverberation to this day. Yes, Mrs. Reed, to you I owe some fearful pangs of mental suffering, but I ought to forgive you, for you knew not what you did: while rending my heart-strings, you thought you were only uprooting my bad propensities.
第二天中午，我起來穿好衣服，裹了塊浴巾，坐在保育室壁爐旁邊。我身體虛弱，幾乎要垮下來。但的痛楚卻是內(nèi)心難以言傳的苦惱，弄得我不斷地暗暗落淚。才從臉頰上抹去一滴帶咸味的淚水，另一滴又滾落下來。不過，我想我應(yīng)當(dāng)高興，因?yàn)槔锏乱患胰硕疾辉�，他們都坐了車隨媽媽出去了。艾博特也在另一間屋里做針線活。而貝茵呢，來回忙碌著，一面把玩具收拾起來，將抽屜整理好，一面還不時地同我說兩句少有的體貼話。對我來說，過慣了那種成天挨罵、辛辛苦苦吃力不討好的日子后，這光景該好比是平靜的樂園。然而，我的神經(jīng)己被折磨得痛苦不堪，終于連平靜也撫慰不了我，歡樂也難以使我興奮了。 Next day, by noon, I was up and dressed, and sat wrapped in a shawl by the nursery hearth. I felt physically weak and broken down: but my worse ailment was an unutterable wretchedness of mind: a wretchedness which kept drawing from me silent tears; no sooner had I wiped one salt drop from my cheek than another followed. Yet, I thought, I ought to have been happy, for none of the Reeds were there, they were all gone out in the carriage with their mama. Abbot, too, was sewing in another room, and Bessie, as she moved hither and thither, putting away toys and arranging drawers, addressed to me every now and then a word of unwonted kindness. This state of things should have been to me a paradise of peace, accustomed as I was to a life of ceaseless reprimand and thankless fagging; but, in fact, my racked nerves were now in such a state that no calm could soothe, and no pleasure excite them agreeably.
貝茜下樓去了一趟廚房，端上來一個小烘餅，放在一個圖案鮮艷的瓷盤里，圖案上畫的是一只極樂鳥，偎依在一圈旋花和玫瑰花苞上。這幅畫曾激起我熱切的羨慕之情。我常常懇求讓我端一端這只盤子，好仔細(xì)看個究竟，但總是被認(rèn)為不配享受這樣的特權(quán)。此刻，這只珍貴的器皿就擱在我膝頭上，我還受到熱誠邀請，品嘗器皿里一小圈精美的糕點(diǎn)。徒有虛名的垂愛��！跟其他久拖不予而又始終期待著的寵愛一樣，來得太晚了！我已無意光顧這烘餅，而且那鳥的羽毛和花卉的色澤也奇怪地黯然無光了。我把盤子和烘餅挪開。貝茜問我是否想要一本書�！皶弊之a(chǎn)生了瞬間的刺激，我求她去圖書室取來一本《格列佛游記》。我曾興致勃動地反復(fù)細(xì)讀過這本書，認(rèn)為書中敘述的都實(shí)有其事，因而覺得比童話中寫的有趣。至于那些小精靈們，我在毛地黃葉子與花冠之間，在蘑菇底下和爬滿老墻角落的長春藤下遍尋無著之后，終于承認(rèn)這悲哀的事實(shí)：他們都己逃離英國到某個原始的鄉(xiāng)間去了，那兒樹林更荒涼茂密，人口更為稀少。而我虔信，小人國和大人國都是地球表面實(shí)實(shí)在在的一部份。我毫不懷疑有朝一日我會去遠(yuǎn)航，親眼看一看一個王國里小小的田野、小小的房子、小小的樹木；看一看那里的小人、小牛、小羊和小鳥們；目睹一下另一個王國里如森林一般高聳的玉米地、碩大的猛犬、巨大無比的貓以及高塔一般的男男女女。然而，此刻當(dāng)我手里捧著這本珍愛的書，一頁頁翻過去，從精妙的插圖中尋覓以前每試必爽的魅力時，我找到的只是怪異和凄涼。巨人成了憔悴的妖怪，矮子淪為惡毒可怖的小鬼，而格列佛則已是陷身于險境的孤獨(dú)的流浪者了。我不敢往下看了，合上書，把它放在桌上一口未嘗的小烘餅旁邊。 Bessie had been down into the kitchen, and she brought up with her a tart on a certain brightly painted china plate, whose bird of paradise, nestling in a wreath of convolvuli and rosebuds, had been wont to stir in me a most enthusiastic sense of admiration; and which plate I had often petitioned to be allowed to take in my hand in order to examine it more closely, but had always hitherto been deemed unworthy of such a privilege. This precious vessel was now placed on my knee, and I was cordially invited to eat the circlet of delicate pastry upon it. Vain favour! coming, like most other favours long deferred and often wished for, too late! I could not eat the tart; and the plumage of the bird, the tints of the flowers, seemed strangely faded: I put both plate and tart away. Bessie asked if I would have a book: the word BOOK acted as a transient stimulus, and I begged her to fetch Gulliver's Travels from the library. This book I had again and again perused with delight. I considered it a narrative of facts, and discovered in it a vein of interest deeper than what I found in fairy tales: for as to the elves, having sought them in vain among foxglove leaves and bells, under mushrooms and beneath the ground-ivy mantling old wall-nooks, I had at length made up my mind to the sad truth, that they were all gone out of England to some savage country where the woods were wilder and thicker, and the population more scant; whereas, Lilliput and Brobdignag being, in my creed, solid parts of the earth's surface, I doubted not that I might one day, by taking a long voyage, see with my own eyes the little fields, houses, and trees, the diminutive people, the tiny cows, sheep, and birds of the one realm; and the corn-fields forest-high, the mighty mastiffs, the monster cats, the tower-like men and women, of the other. Yet, when this cherished volume was now placed in my hand -- when I turned over its leaves, and sought in its marvellous pictures the charm I had, till now, never failed to find -- all was eerie and dreary; the giants were gaunt goblins, the pigmies malevolent and fearful imps, Gulliver a most desolate wanderer in most dread and dangerous regions. I closed the book, which I dared no longer peruse, and put it on the table, beside the untasted tart.
貝茜現(xiàn)在打掃和整理完了房子，然后洗完手后打開一個裝滿華美絲綢碎片的小抽屜，開始給喬治安娜的洋娃娃做個新帽子。還一邊唱到： Bessie had now finished dusting and tidying the room, and having washed her hands, she opened a certain little drawer, full of splendid shreds of silk and satin, and began making a new bonnet for Georgiana's doll. Meantime she sang: her song was -
在很久很久以前的日子里,我們像吉卜賽人一樣流浪。 In the days when we went gipsying, A long time ago.
我以前常聽這首歌，而且總覺得它歡快悅耳，因?yàn)樨愜绲纳ぷ雍芴穑辽傥艺J(rèn)為如此。而此刻，雖然她甜蜜的嗓子依舊，但歌里透出了一種難以言喻的悲哀。有時，她干活出了神，把迭句唱得很低沉，拖得很長。一句“很久很久以前”唱出來，如同挽歌中最哀傷的調(diào)子。她接著又唱起一首民謠來，這回可是真的哀怨凄惻了。 I had often heard the song before, and always with lively delight; for Bessie had a sweet voice, -- at least, I thought so. But now, though her voice was still sweet, I found in its melody an indescribable sadness. Sometimes, preoccupied with her work, she sang the refrain very low, very lingeringly; A long time ago came out like the saddest cadence of a funeral hymn. She passed into another ballad, this time a really doleful one.
我的雙腳酸痛啊四肢乏力，前路漫漫啊大山荒蕪。沒有月光啊天色陰凄，暮靄沉沉啊籠罩著可憐孤兒的旅途。 My feet they are sore, and my limbs they are weary; Long is the way, and the mountains are wild; Soon will the twilight close moonless and dreary Over the path of the poor orphan child.
為什么要讓我孤苦伶丁遠(yuǎn)走他鄉(xiāng)，流落在荒野連綿峭巖重疊的異地。人心狠毒啊，唯有天使善良，關(guān)注著可憐孤兒的足跡。 Why did they send me so far and so lonely, Up where the moors spread and grey rocks are piled? Men are hard-hearted, and kind angels only Watch o'er the steps of a poor orphan child.
從遠(yuǎn)處吹來了柔和的夜風(fēng)，晴空中繁星閃爍著溫煦的光芒。仁慈的上帝啊，你賜福于萬眾，可憐的孤兒得到了保護(hù)、安慰和希望。 Yet distant and soft the night breeze is blowing, Clouds there are none, and clear stars beam mild, God, in His mercy, protection is showing, Comfort and hope to the poor orphan child.
哪怕我走過斷橋失足墜落，或是在迷�；秀敝姓`入泥淖。天父啊，你帶著祝福與許諾，把可憐的孤兒摟入你懷抱。 Ev'n should I fall o'er the broken bridge passing, Or stray in the marshes, by false lights beguiled, Still will my Father, with promise and blessing, Take to His bosom the poor orphan child.
哪怕我無家可歸無親無故，一個給人力量的信念在我心頭。天堂啊，永遠(yuǎn)是歸宿和安息之所，上帝是可憐孤兒的朋友。 There is a thought that for strength should avail me, Though both of shelter and kindred despoiled; Heaven is a home, and a rest will not fail me; God is a friend to the poor orphan child.
“來吧，簡小姐，別哭了，”貝茜唱完了說。其實(shí)，她無異于對火說“你別燃燒！”不過，她怎么能揣度出我被極度的痛苦所折磨？早上勞埃德先生又來了。 Come, Miss Jane, don't cry, said Bessie as she finished. She might as well have said to the fire, don't burn! but how could she divine the morbid suffering to which I was a prey? In the course of the morning Mr. Lloyd came again.
“怎么，己經(jīng)起來了！”他一進(jìn)保育室就說，“嗨，保姆、她怎么樣了？” What, already up! said he, as he entered the nursery. Well, nurse, how is she?
貝茜回答說我情況很好。 Bessie answered that I was doing very well.
“那她應(yīng)該高興才是。過來、簡小姐，你的名字叫簡，是不是？” Then she ought to look more cheerful. Come here, Miss Jane: your name is Jane, is it not?
“是，先生，叫簡·愛。” Yes, sir, Jane Eyre.
“瞧，你一直在哭，簡·愛小姐，你能告訴我為什么嗎？哪兒疼嗎？” Well, you have been crying, Miss Jane Eyre; can you tell me what about? Have you any pain?
“不疼，先生�！� No, sir.
“啊，我想是因?yàn)椴荒芨〗銈円黄鹱R車出去才哭的，”貝茜插嘴說。 Oh! I daresay she is crying because she could not go out with Missis in the carriage, interposed Bessie.
“當(dāng)然不啰！她那么大了，不會為這點(diǎn)小事鬧別扭的�！� Surely not! why, she is too old for such pettishness.
這恰恰也是我的想法。而她這么冤枉我傷了我的自尊，所以我當(dāng)即回答，“我長得這么大從來沒有為這種事哭過，而且我又討厭乘馬車出去。我是因?yàn)樾睦镫y受才哭的。” I thought so too; and my self-esteem being wounded by the false charge, I answered promptly, I never cried for such a thing in my life: I hate going out in the carriage. I cry because I am miserable.
“嘿，去去，小姐！”貝茜說。 Oh fie, Miss! said Bessie.
好心的藥劑師似乎有些莫明其妙。我站在他面前，他目不轉(zhuǎn)睛地看著我。他灰色的小眼睛并不明亮，但現(xiàn)在想來也許應(yīng)當(dāng)說是非常銳利的。他的面相既嚴(yán)厲而又溫厚，他從從容容地打量了我一番后說： The good apothecary appeared a little puzzled. I was standing before him; he fixed his eyes on me very steadily: his eyes were small and grey; not very bright, but I dare say I should think them shrewd now: he had a hard-featured yet good-natured looking face. Having considered me at leisure, he said -
“昨天你怎么得病的呢？” What made you ill yesterday?
“她跌了一跤�！必愜缬植遄炝恕� She had a fall, said Bessie, again putting in her word.
“跌交：又耍娃娃脾氣了！她這樣年紀(jì)還不會走路？八九歲總有了吧�！� Fall! why, that is like a baby again! Can't she manage to walk at her age? She must be eight or nine years old.
“我是被人給*的，”我脫口而出。由于自尊心再次受到傷害，引起了一陣痛楚，我冒昧地作了這樣的辯解�！暗饽菢右膊粫！蔽页脛诎５孪壬×艘淮楸菬熚饋頃r說。 I was knocked down, was the blunt explanation, jerked out of me by another pang of mortified pride; but that did not make me ill, I added; while Mr. Lloyd helped himself to a pinch of snuff.
他把煙盒放入背心口袋。這時，鈴聲大作，叫傭人們?nèi)コ燥�。他明白是怎么回事�！澳鞘墙心愕模Ｄ�，”他說，“你可以下去啦，我來開導(dǎo)開導(dǎo)簡小姐，等著你回來。” As he was returning the box to his waistcoat pocket, a loud bell rang for the servants' dinner; he knew what it was. That's for you, nurse, said he; you can go down; I'll give Miss Jane a lecture till you come back.
貝茜本想留著，但又不得不走，準(zhǔn)時吃飯是蓋茨黑德府的一條成規(guī)。 Bessie would rather have stayed, but she was obliged to go, because punctuality at meals was rigidly enforced at Gateshead Hall.
“你不是以為跌了跤才生病吧？那么因?yàn)槭裁茨�？”貝茜一走，勞埃德先生便追問道�?The fall did not make you ill; what did, then? pursued Mr. Lloyd when Bessie was gone.
“他們把我關(guān)在一間鬧鬼的房子里，直到天黑�！� I was shut up in a room where there is a ghost till after dark.
我看到勞埃德先生微微一笑，同時又皺起眉頭來。 I saw Mr. Lloyd smile and frown at the same time.
“鬼？瞧，你畢竟還是個娃娃！你怕鬼嗎？” Ghost! What, you are a baby after all! You are afraid of ghosts?
里德先生的鬼魂我是怕的，他就死在那同房子里，還在那里停過欞。無論貝茜，還是別人，能不進(jìn)去，是不在夜里進(jìn)那房間的。多狠心呀，把我一個人關(guān)在里面，連支蠟燭也不點(diǎn)。心腸那么狠，我一輩子都忘不了�！� Of Mr. Reed's ghost I am: he died in that room, and was laid out there. Neither Bessie nor any one else will go into it at night, if they can help it; and it was cruel to shut me up alone without a candle, -- so cruel that I think I shall never forget it.
“瞎說！就因?yàn)檫@個使你心里難受，現(xiàn)在大白天你還怕嗎？” Nonsense! And is it that makes you so miserable? Are you afraid now in daylight?
“現(xiàn)在不怕，不過馬上又要到夜里了。另外，我不愉快，很不愉快，為的是其他事情�！� No: but night will come again before long: and besides, -- I am unhappy, -- very unhappy, for other things.
“其他什么事？能說些給我聽聽嗎？” What other things? Can you tell me some of them?
我多么希望能原原本本回答這個問題！要作出回答又何其困難：孩子們能夠感覺，但無法分析自己的情感，即使部分分折能夠意會，分析的過程也難以言傳。但是我又擔(dān)心失去這第一次也是一次吐苦水的機(jī)會。所以局促不安地停了一停之后，便琢磨出一個雖不詳盡卻相當(dāng)真實(shí)的回答。 How much I wished to reply fully to this question! How difficult it was to frame any answer! Children can feel, but they cannot analyse their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought, they know not how to express the result of the process in words. Fearful, however, of losing this first and only opportunity of relieving my grief by imparting it, I, after a disturbed pause, contrived to frame a meagre, though, as far as it went, true response.
“一方面是因?yàn)槲覜]有父母，沒有兄弟姐妹的緣故�！� For one thing, I have no father or mother, brothers or sisters.
“可是你有一位和藹可親的舅母，還有表兄妹們�！� You have a kind aunt and cousins.
我又頓了頓，隨后便笨嘴笨舌地說： Again I paused; then bunglingly enounced -
“可是約翰·里德把我*了，而舅媽又把我關(guān)在紅房子里�！� But John Reed knocked me down, and my aunt shut me up in the red- room.
勞埃德先生再次掏出了鼻煙盒。 Mr. Lloyd a second time produced his snuff-box.
“你不覺得蓋茨黑德府是座漂亮的房子嗎？”他問，“讓你住那么好一個地方，你難道不感激？” Don't you think Gateshead Hall a very beautiful house? asked he. Are you not very thankful to have such a fine place to live at?
“這又不是我的房子，先生。艾博特還說我比這兒的傭人還不如呢�！� It is not my house, sir; and Abbot says I have less right to be here than a servant.
“去！你總不至于傻得想離開這個好地方吧�！� Pooh! you can't be silly enough to wish to leave such a splendid place?
“要是我有地方去，我是樂意走的。可是不等到長大成人我休想擺脫蓋茨黑德�！� If I had anywhere else to go, I should be glad to leave it; but I can never get away from Gateshead till I am a woman.
“也許可以——誰知道？除了里德太太，你還有別的親戚嗎？” Perhaps you may -- who knows? Have you any relations besides Mrs. Reed?
“我想沒有了，先生�！� I think not, sir.
“你父親那頭也沒有了嗎？” None belonging to your father?
“我不知道，有一回我問過舅媽，她說可能有些姓愛的親戚，人又窮，地位又低，她對他們的情況一無所知�！� I don't know. I asked Aunt Reed once, and she said possibly I might have some poor, low relations called Eyre, but she knew nothing about them.
“要是有這樣的親戚，你愿意去嗎？” If you had such, would you like to go to them?
我陷入了沉思，在成年人看來貧困顯得冷酷無情，孩子則尤其如此。至于勤勞刻苦、令人欽敬的貧困，孩子們不甚了了。在他們心目中，這個字眼始終與衣衫檻襤褸、食品匿乏、壁爐無火、行為粗魯以及低賤的惡習(xí)聯(lián)系在一起。對我來說，貧困就是墮落的別名。 I reflected. Poverty looks grim to grown people; still more so to children: they have not much idea of industrious, working, respectable poverty; they think of the word only as connected with ragged clothes, scanty food, fireless grates, rude manners, and debasing vices: poverty for me was synonymous with degradation.
“不，我不愿與窮人為伍，”這就是我的回答。 No; I should not like to belong to poor people, was my reply.
“即使他們待你很好也不愿意？” Not even if they were kind to you?
我搖了搖頭，不明白窮人怎么會有條件對人仁慈，更不說我還得學(xué)他們的言談舉止，同他們一樣沒有文化，長大了像有時見到的那種貧苦女人一樣，坐在蓋茨黑德府茅屋門口，奶孩子或者搓洗衣服。不，我可沒有那樣英雄氣概，寧愿拋卻身份來換取自由。 I shook my head: I could not see how poor people had the means of being kind; and then to learn to speak like them, to adopt their manners, to be uneducated, to grow up like one of the poor women I saw sometimes nursing their children or washing their clothes at the cottage doors of the village of Gateshead: no, I was not heroic enough to purchase liberty at the price of caste.
“但是你的親戚就那么窮，都是靠干活過日子的么？” But are your relatives so very poor? Are they working people?
“我說不上來。里德舅媽說，要是我有親戚，也準(zhǔn)是一群要飯的，我可不愿去要飯�！� I cannot tell; Aunt. Reed says if I have any, they must be a beggarly set: I should not like to go a begging.
“你想上學(xué)嗎？” Would you like to go to school?
我再次沉思起來。我?guī)缀醪恢缹W(xué)校是什么樣子。光聽貝茜有時說起過，那個地方，年輕女子帶足枷坐著，戴著脊骨矯正板，還非得要十分文雅和規(guī)矩才行。約翰·里德對學(xué)校恨之入骨，還大罵教師。不過他的感受不足為憑。如果貝茜關(guān)于校紀(jì)的說法（她來蓋茨黑德之前，從她主人家一些年輕小姐那兒收集來的）有些駭人聽聞，那么她細(xì)說的關(guān)于那些小姐所學(xué)得的才藝，我想也同樣令人神往。她繪聲繪色地談起了她們制作的風(fēng)景畫和花卉畫；談起了她們能唱的歌，能彈的曲，能編織的錢包，能翻譯的法文書，一直談得我聽著聽著就為之心動，躍躍欲試。更何況上學(xué)也是徹底變換環(huán)境，意味著一次遠(yuǎn)行，意味著同蓋茨黑德完全決裂，意味著踏上新的生活旅程。 Again I reflected: I scarcely knew what school was: Bessie sometimes spoke of it as a place where young ladies sat in the stocks, wore backboards, and were expected to be exceedingly genteel and precise: John Reed hated his school, and abused his master; but John Reed's tastes were no rule for mine, and if Bessie's accounts of school-discipline (gathered from the young ladies of a family where she had lived before coming to Gateshead) were somewhat appalling, her details of certain accomplishments attained by these same young ladies were, I thought, equally attractive. She boasted of beautiful paintings of landscapes and flowers by them executed; of songs they could sing and pieces they could play, of purses they could net, of French books they could translate; till my spirit was moved to emulation as I listened. Besides, school would be a complete change: it implied a long journey, an entire separation from Gateshead, an entrance into a new life.
“我真的愿意去上學(xué)，”這是我三思之后輕聲說出的結(jié)論。 I should indeed like to go to school, was the audible conclusion of my musings.
“唉，唉，誰知道會發(fā)生什么呢？”勞埃德先生立起身來說�！斑@孩子應(yīng)當(dāng)換換空氣，換換地方，”他自言自語地補(bǔ)充說，“神經(jīng)不很好�！� Well, well! who knows what may happen? said Mr. Lloyd, as he got up. The child ought to have change of air and scene, he added, speaking to himself; nerves not in a good state.
這時，貝茜回來了，同時聽得見砂石路上響起了滾滾而來的馬車聲。 Bessie now returned; at the same moment the carriage was heard rolling up the gravel-walk.
“是你們太太嗎，保姆？”勞埃德先生問道。“走之前我得跟她談一談�！� Is that your mistress, nurse? asked Mr. Lloyd. I should like to speak to her before I go.
貝茜請他進(jìn)早餐室，并且領(lǐng)了路。從以后發(fā)生的情況推測，藥劑師在隨后與里德太太的會見中，大膽建議送我進(jìn)學(xué)校。無疑，這個建議被欣然采納了。一天夜里，艾博特和貝茜坐在保育室里，做著針錢活兒，談起了這件事。那時，我已經(jīng)上床，她們以為我睡著了。艾博特說：“我想太太一定巴不得擺脫這樣一個既討厭、品質(zhì)又不好的孩子，她那樣子就好像眼睛老盯著每個人，暗地里在搞什么陰謀似的�！蔽蚁氚┨販�(zhǔn)相信我是幼年的蓋伊·福克斯式人物了。 Bessie invited him to walk into the breakfast-room, and led the way out. In the interview which followed between him and Mrs. Reed, I presume, from after-occurrences, that the apothecary ventured to recommend my being sent to school; and the recommendation was no doubt readily enough adopted; for as Abbot said, in discussing the subject with Bessie when both sat sewing in the nursery one night, after I was in bed, and, as they thought, asleep, Missis was, she dared say, glad enough to get rid of such a tiresome, ill- conditioned child, who always looked as if she were watching everybody, and scheming plots underhand. Abbot, I think, gave me credit for being a sort of infantine Guy Fawkes.
就是這一回，我從艾博特與貝茜的文談中第一次獲悉，我父親生前是個牧師，我母親違背了朋友們的意愿嫁給了他，他們認(rèn)為這樁婚事有失她的身份。我的外祖父里德，因?yàn)槲夷赣H不聽話而勃然大怒，一氣之下同她斷絕了關(guān)系，沒留給她一個子兒。我父母親結(jié)婚才一年，父親染上了斑疹傷寒，因?yàn)樗甲哂诟蹦翈煿┞毜貐^(qū)、一個大工業(yè)城鎮(zhèn)的窮人中間，而當(dāng)時該地流行著斑疹傷寒。我母親從父親那兒染上了同一疾病，結(jié)果父母雙雙故去，前后相距下到一個月。 On that same occasion I learned, for the first time, from Miss Abbot's communications to Bessie, that my father had been a poor clergyman; that my mother had married him against the wishes of her friends, who considered the match beneath her; that my grandfather Reed was so irritated at her disobedience, he cut her off without a shilling; that after my mother and father had been married a year, the latter caught the typhus fever while visiting among the poor of a large manufacturing town where his curacy was situated, and where that disease was then prevalent: that my mother took the infection from him, and both died within a month of each other.
貝茜聽了這番話便長嘆一聲說：“可憐的簡小姐也是值得同情吶，艾博特�！� Bessie, when she heard this narrative, sighed and said, Poor Miss Jane is to be pitied, too, Abbot.
“是呀，”艾博特回答，“她若是漂亮可愛，人家倒也會可憐她那么孤苦伶仃的，可是像她那樣的小東西，實(shí)在不討人喜歡。” Yes, responded Abbot; if she were a nice, pretty child, one might compassionate her forlornness; but one really cannot care for such a little toad as that.
“確實(shí)不大討人喜歡，”貝茜表示同意，“至少在同樣處境下，喬治亞娜這樣的美人兒會更惹人喜愛�！� Not a great deal, to be sure, agreed Bessie: at any rate, a beauty like Miss Georgiana would be more moving in the same condition.
“是呀，我就是喜歡喬治亞娜小姐!”狂熱的艾博特嚷道，“真是個小寶貝——長長的卷發(fā)，藍(lán)藍(lán)的眼睛，還有那么可愛的膚色，簡直像畫出來的一股！竄紓聿臀藝嫦氤醞客米��！? Yes, I doat on Miss Georgiana! cried the fervent Abbot. Little darling! -- with her long curls and her blue eyes, and such a sweet colour as she has; just as if she were painted! -- Bessie, I could fancy a Welsh rabbit for supper.
“我也一樣——外加烤洋蔥。來吧，我們下樓去�！彼齻冏吡�。 So could I -- with a roast onion. Come, we'll go down. They went.
